


The more you know - about yourself.

by QueenOfTacky



Series: It's not easy, being a Malfoy. [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Although I'm not sure how to classify this, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward First Times, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Breakup, Come Swallowing, Death Threats, Dom Draco Malfoy, Dom/sub, Draco is a git, Draco to the Rescue, Draco words what Harry thinks, Drinking, Drug Use, Drunk Sex, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Harry is Confused, Harry just needs to forget, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Not Epilogue Compliant, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Painful Sex, Post-War, Rimming, Ron Weasley Being an Asshole, Ron is not helpful at all, Roommates, Sharing a Room, Slytherins are apparently good with feelings, Smut, So he decides to drink a bunch of potions, Sub Harry Potter, Swearing, Switching, Violence, but not really, dom/sub shaming, let's say, shaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:22:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24179647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfTacky/pseuds/QueenOfTacky
Summary: Harry just wants some peace and quiet for once. He actually never wanted to be the hero. What happens, when his plans on not being the leader during his 8th year turn to dust, thanks to his oh-so-annoying blonde roommate? And what happens, when that roommate turns out to be a dom?He might learn just a bit more than he thought he signed up for. Subject? Harry James Potter 101.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Theodore Nott, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Series: It's not easy, being a Malfoy. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755715
Comments: 12
Kudos: 139





	1. Prologue & Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Obligatory set of excuses (haha): this is my first fic ever and it's unbeta'd. On top of that, English is not my first language, so I pray to God (do Wizards believe in God though?) the 'check spelling' sufficed and it's readable.  
> I wrote first four chapters in 2 days, because I just had to get this story out of my head. I'm planning on writing more, but as of now, I haven't decided how often I'll be updating after those are all posted.  
> Any constructive feedback would be greatly appreciated!
> 
> Oh, and the rating might change at some point, because I'm feeling there is potential for some rather colorfully visual smut there. 
> 
> Oh-oh, and this is loosely inspired by a Texting Story by 'some random slytherpuff' on youtube - although I took the concept in a different direction.

** Prologue **

Inter-house unity was absolute bullshit. Whatever was McGonagall’s reasoning behind forcing the 8th year students to abandon their houses and just form one group, was absolutely and unequivocally not thought through enough. „Abolishing barriers in order to promote solidarity and peace in the Wizarding World” – what and absolute load of crap. She should’ve known better that to assume after the war everything was going to run smoothly. And even more, she should’ve known that forcing people who stood on the opposite sides (even if only in each other’s perception of things) to „unite” and try to work things out for themselves was never going to work. Malfoy sneered to himself looking at the long piece of parchment nailed to the wall next to what used to be the entrance to the Slytherin common room. HIS common room, he realized bitterly, since younger Slytherins were still allowed to remain there – the “unity programme” only applied to 8th years. He sighed and turned around – it was no use standing there like an idiot, he was now forced to spend his time in the new, 8th year, common room on the 3rd floor.

As he made his way there, his frustration only rose. What else was there in store for him? It’s bad enough he’d have to endure the (very unwelcome in his current state of mind) company of the other houses’ students practically 24/7. How far did exactly McGonagall go with her “sunshine and roses” approach? If he actually listened to her start-of-term speech he might know, but his mind was elsewhere. In fact, it was elsewhere for months now. He was drained, tired, scared (although he tried with all the willpower he had left to push that last one out of his mind – Malfoys don’t get scared, he reminded himself constantly, and after all, he WAS still a Malfoy, even if stripped of all recognition of everything this name used to mean) – he tried to convince himself for all this time that it was just difficult to adjust to the world without the Dark Lord, but if he was really honest with himself he’d see that his state of mind started much earlier, at the beginning of his 6th year at Hogwarts. He never wanted to be a Death Eater, he never wanted to do what he had been ordered to do then, he never wanted there to be a war. He just wanted things to be as they used to be before Voldemort came back – he wanted his peaceful, rich and respected life back. He desperately wanted to be back to being someone, without actually having to serve the Dark Lord and choose sides. Life was much easier when there were no sides to choose and he could bask in the glory of being a Malfoy in safety. But that was long gone – the war happened, “his” (although he never thought he really belonged there) side lost, Potter was once again a hero, and all it meant that now was that not only did he have to face all the people who despised what was currently covered by his sleeve, but he also that lost those who embraced him because of it. The fact that, as far as he knew, the only Slytherins that returned were Parkinson, Nott and Zabini, didn’t exactly bode well for him either.

This particular thought brought Malfoy back to the question that started it all – what on Earth was McGonagall going to do with the sleeping situation? His gut told him that whatever it was, he was not going to like it. But surely, she couldn’t be so stupid as to force him away from his friends, right? Sticking him in a dorm room with some random Hufflepuff would be the cherry on top of a sundae of her idiotic approach. Because if it came to this, it would have to be the shyest, most docile Hufflepuff there is – there is no way she’d room him with a Ravenclaw, they were too outspoken to risk it, there would be too much potential for a confrontation. And Gryffindors were just out of the question entirely, she can’t possibly be THAT naïve and moronic.

It was just Malfoy’s luck that barely 30 seconds after that thought came to him, when he looked at the dorm room arrangements posted on the board in the common room, he saw “Malfoy, Draco Lucius” next to “Potter, Harry James” in big, scarlet (because, of course, she had to favour bloody Gryffindors yet again!) letters on the list. He sneered again. It was his bloody luck.

** Chapter 1 **

It was a week since classes started. Harry wasn’t particularly happy about being forced to share a room with Malfoy of all people – not when Ron got to share with Neville and Seamus was roomed with Dean. In all fairness, he expected there to be a hex duel within the first hour, but to his surprise, Malfoy seemed different – more subdued perhaps? He didn’t know what it was, but really all that mattered was that the Slytherin kept to himself and didn’t bother him at all – in fact, Harry couldn’t recall a single word spoken to him when they were in the room. It was like living with a mute Hermione – Malfoy just laid on his bed for hours on end, reading advanced potions books. Harry was somehow grateful for it, but it didn’t stop him from asking McGonagall what was she thinking assigning them both to one room – the most secluded one at that.

\- Well, Mr. Potter, as you know, there were only three formerly-Slytherin boys in 8th Someone had to be assigned a room with a student that used to be a different house. And that student sadly had to be a Gryffindor, since both Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws returned in even numbers. – she explained like she was speaking to a child.

\- Yes, I do know, but why me? And with Malfoy?! That seems hardly fair!

\- It’s not about what’s fair, it’s about what’s safe.

\- Safe?! – he exploded – In what universe sticking me with that twat is safe?!

\- Watch your language please, Mr. Potter. I am well aware of your history with Mr Malfoy and in my opinion, you’re the only one that is capable both of restraining yourself in the face of confrontation and defending yourself should the confrontation escalate nonetheless. Mr Wesley is far too hot tempered for this kind of company, Mr. Longbottom would most likely not be able to defend himself, and as for Mr. Thomas and Mr. Finnigann, well, frankly, I didn’t even consider rooming either of them with Mr. Malfoy.

Harry sighed. There was logic behind what McGonagall did, but it didn’t mean he was happy about it.

\- But why this particular bedroom? We have no shared wall with any other bedroom, it’s the last one in the corridor, if something did happen, nobody would hear us. That cannot be safe! – he realized he was getting worked up again.

\- On the contrary, Mr. Potter. The fact that this is the most private room available simply means that there would be fewer distractions from your former classmates to provoke, even unintentionally, any kind of tension between you two. I trust you noticed the rest of the rooms have for instance one bathroom per two rooms, whereas you and Mr. Malfoy have a luxury of having your own?

\- I did. – Harry sighed in resignation – I still don’t think it was the best idea though, Professor.

\- And unfortunately for you, your objections to my “idea” can accomplish nothing but me observing your interactions with Mr. Malfoy even more closely. Besides, it has been a week already and I am pleased to notice, neither of you have ended up in the Hospital Wing, so that serves to prove my, as you so elegantly put it, “idea” appears to have been a rather correct one.

Harry knew better than to argue any longer. There was no changing McGonagall’s mind, so he just nodded and left her office. On the way back to the common room he passed by a group of 3rd year Gryffindors. Looking at them he began wondering if he too looked that small and innocent at their age. God, it seemed like eons ago, he couldn’t believe he was only 5 years older than them. They looked like they weren’t old enough to be out of their parents’ care – even if that care was exchanged for being looked after by a whole body of staff and house elves.

The thought of house elves was like a sharp pain. All of a sudden he remembered Dobby dying in his arms not even a year prior and his eyes started to sting. God damn, this was no time for crying! He barely managed to compose himself, but as soon as he felt strong enough to walk again, the memory of empty Grimmauld Place 12 ended up in his head. He didn’t know why, but somehow it was even worse than what happened to Dobby. Maybe because he didn’t have a clue what happened to Kreacher?

Harry gave in. There was no use trying to fight his memories, they’d end up surfacing anyway.

After the war has ended, Harry had nowhere to go. Ironically, he was the hero everyone cherished and he knew that if he was to ask anybody, they would welcome him in their home with open arms. But he didn’t want to be cherished and looked up to. He knew what staying with any of the people he knew meant – he would end up solving disputes and making decisions when others couldn’t agree on a particular issue. They would wait for his opinion like he was some sort of authority on all subjects possible all of a sudden. He had a taste of it right after the final battle – people were asking for his input on the best way to repair the castle (like he knew anything about ancient architecture!), he was asked for “expertise” during the Death Eater trials (since when was he a lawyer?!) – hell, even Ron and Hermione wanted to know if the thought they should go look for Hermione’s parents together, as if he ever held more than a 5-minute conversation with them or was an expert on post-obliviation procedures (was there even such a thing?). No, it was way too much to handle. He had been making decisions for a whole year, his friends told him point blank he was the “boss” – and look where his decision-making has led him? Of course, Voldemort was defeated, but at what cost? Lupin and Tonks were dead, two Wesley twins became one, countless other people lost their lives. Of course he knew this was what war comes with, he wasn’t stupid enough to believe nobody would get hurt. He knew he couldn’t possibly have prevented what happened. But what if he could’ve done something to spare even one more life? Hell, if he had figured out where the diadem is sooner maybe Malfoy and his minions wouldn’t have caught them in the Room of Requirement and Crabbe would still be alive today? He never really hated the guy on his own, it was just the residual hatred he felt towards Malfoy that radiated off to the other two. His death was not needed, it didn’t accomplish anything or help restore peace. With the others, he could at least try to convince himself that it was for the greater good (he shuddered realizing he’s using Grindelwald’s motto), but with Crabbe it was not the case – it was the same thing as it has been with Sirius – it was his fault and his fault only and it served no purpose.

So he decided he best laid low for now and he ended up in London, in his godfather’s home (he couldn’t really bring himself to call it his own – it would always belong to Sirius). He hasn’t been there since the fiasco at the Ministry at the beginning of this whole horcrux-hunting journey. He knew that Yaxley has seen the place, he suspected that he might be able to enter – and if he did, Merlin knows what fate would await Kreacher. He dreaded coming through the door, not knowing what he’ll find inside. But it was quiet. Nobody was there. It was like no one has seen the place since Sirius died, like he, Ron and Hermione weren’t ever there, like Kreacher never existed. It was somehow worse than if he would’ve found his body somewhere – at least then he would be sure what happened to his house elf and he could bury him (somehow, the idea of following the Black family tradition of mounting his head on the wall was not an option for Harry). But Kreacher had vanished and all Harry knew for sure (although he had no idea how he knew that) was that the elf never betrayed them, never spilled anything he heard while Harry was his master – and that realization made it even worse. Yet another death on his score card.

So he spent practically the whole summer isolated, slumped over in Sirius’s old bedroom, reliving memories of war. He barely slept, and whatever sleep he did manage to get was almost always interrupted by nightmares. By the end of the summer he was so used to them that they just drained him instead of provoking a panic attack.

And now he was back at Hogwarts. Harry really hoped his last year would be peaceful and that he would be able to just concentrate on finishing his education and getting a job. Or actually, finishing his education and figuring out what the hell to do with himself – he wanted to be an Auror ever since his 4th year, but now, after the war has ended, he wasn’t so sure anymore. He felt guilty enough about deaths he caused involuntarily and indirectly, how would he feel if he actually had to kill another human being on purpose? Wouldn’t that make him like Voldemort? No, he didn’t know what he wanted from life anymore. And now the “inter-house unity” (which he regarded as pure and utter bullshit on McGonagall’s part) only made the dream of some peace and quiet that much more unrealistic.

He hated feeling this way. He knew it’s not normal, he knew he should be happy all of the darkness was behind him now and he knew that he should join in on the collective sigh of relief the wizarding world breathed. But he couldn’t and didn’t. And in those rare moments he managed not to blame himself, he blamed Voldemort and his Death Eaters. And now, one of those same Death Eaters that caused his life to be what it was, was sitting there, like nothing ever happened, in his own room, in his only true home ever, every bloody night. If his hatred was even possible to qualify, he hated Malfoy most of them all – for the fact that he got out without so much as a scratch on his criminal record (“minor my ass” Harry muttered under his breath) and for the fact that the fucking wanker had the AUDACITY to show his slime-y face back.

By the time Harry got back to the common room he was fuming. He all but shouted the password at the door (McGonagall decided to use a different method of protecting the 8th year common room, so there was no painting to interact with) and practically blasted inside. He looked at all the people inside, glaring daggers at anyone who dared to look back at him.

\- Harry, is everything ok? – Hermione was visibly worried, looking up from an armchair by the fireplace.

\- Yeah mate, are you all right? You look like you’re about to hex us all – Ron, in turn, had fear written all over his face.

\- No, I’m not ok! – Harry bellowed – Bloody McGonagall won’t let me switch rooms! She says it’s the “safest option”, because apparently I’m the only one that can defend themselves against that fucking pathetic excuse of a Death Eater!

The room fell silent. Everyone was watching the trio with their jaws on the floor. It wasn’t exactly a secret that neither Harry nor Malfoy were happy with the arrangement, but nobody expected that amount of hatred there – and from Harry’s end of the equation, no less.

\- Harry, please… - Hermione tried to plead – people are staring…

\- SO FUCKING WHAT? Am I wrong here? Is he not just a waste of oxygen for everyone around him? And to have the fucking audacity to show his bloody face here after all he’s done!

\- Take that back, Potter! – out of the corner of his eye Harry saw Nott standing up from the couch nearby and reach for his wand – Leave the guy alone or I swear to Merlin…

\- Theo, don’t. – Malfoy’s voice was so cold you could practically see the ice in the air as he spoke. He was standing in the entrance to the narrow corridor that led to the bedrooms. Harry realized he must’ve been yelling much louder than he thought for Malfoy to hear, since he obviously came out form their room. – Potter clearly has some things to get off his chest, so let him.

\- DO. NOT. EVEN. TALK. TO. ME. – Harry was back up on his feet facing Malfoy.

\- I’m not. I’m merely trying to provide you with the opportunity to speak your peace once and for all, without the danger of getting attacked, however justly, by my fellow Slytherins. – For the first time since they came back Malfoy seemed like his old self.

\- I said don’t talk to me. – Harry stopped yelling, but his voice became as cold as Malfoy’s. – But since you’re so clearly desperate to know what I really think of you, here we go: you’re a pathetic excuse of a human being…

\- I think you’re repeating yourself, that one I heard all the way from our room.

\- MY room. The fact that you’re there is just very poor judgement on McGonagall’s part. You should’ve never been allowed back after all you did, after all you and your cohorts caused. You should be in Azkaban and we both know it! – that last part came out way louder than Harry intended it to.

\- I have not caused anything. As you know, since you were apparently the expert on everything during my trial, I was cleared of all charges. I haven’t done anything that would warrant punishment last year and before that I was not an adult. And besides, repairing a cabinet is not a crime.

\- That doesn’t mean you’re innocent! The fact that Snape was the one to kill Dumbledore doesn’t make you any less guilty! And since you’re so keen on details, YOU FUCKING TRIED TO KILL ME IN THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT!

\- I didn’t. Crabbe did. And he paid for it. – All of the previous smugness was gone. At the mention of Crabbe, Malfoy’s face went completely blank.

\- I cannot fucking believe you right now. – Harry was somewhere between utter disbelief and frustration – That was cold, even for someone like you.

\- “Someone” like me? – Malfoy interrupted, raising his brows

\- He was your friend, if you can even call it that, and you’re all nonchalant about his death?! “He paid for it”? What the bloody fuck does that even mean?!

\- I never realized you cared for him. – He was back to that bemused, slightly superior tone of voice Harry loathed. - And my relationships with other people is none of your business. On that note, I think this discussion leads nowhere. If you’d excuse me, I’m going back to my book. Be so kind as to not attack me when you come back to OUR room, I’d rather not spend any time in the Hospital Wing, as far as I know Daley is there and he snores. – With that, he turned around and walked back. Harry could hear the door to their shared bedroom shutting behind him.

Harry turned around to face his friends. Ron and Hermione looked worried, a couple of feet away Neville seemed like he’d been Stupefied.

\- That was… Intense. – Hermione broke the silence. – You think you can go back there?

\- I’ll have to, won’t I? I’m not camping out in the common room.

\- But… What of he tries to hex you? You know this git will sooner or later stoop to that! – Ron was getting worked up.

\- He won’t. – Harry tried to seem certain. – He’s a coward, he knows if he puts one toe out of line, he’s out of here.

\- You really believe this? – Ron didn’t seem convinced. – You need some defences! Some shield charms at the very least! I’ll write to Bill, he’s a curse breaker, maybe he can lend us some ideas how to deal with this tosser!

\- No, Ron, there’s no need. I’ll just go back to ignoring him. That has worked for now, it’ll work again.

Harry sighed. All his hope for a safe and quiet Friday afternoon went out the window. He reached for a Transfiguration book to get started on his homework, but it was no use. It was already almost midnight and his mind was racing yet again, so he knew he would accomplish nothing. He’d have to copy off of Hermione’s (obviously already done) essay tomorrow. He sighed again, shook his head, and left his friends without a word to go to bed.

Malfoy was still up, reading. He gave no indication of registering Harry’s presence in the room, which Harry actually welcomed. He got into his pyjamas and climbed into the bed.

\- Can you turn that light off? – He asked Malfoy, looking at his wand glowing over the book.

\- Fuck you. – Came the muttered response.

This was definitely not going to be an easy year.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Days went by and although Harry and Malfoy went back to ignoring each other, there was still a lot more hostility in the air between them than before their argument in the common room. It started with petty things, like Malfoy taking an unusually long time to get ready in the morning when he knew Potter had the same breakfast and classes to get to as he did. Harry was convinced he was doing this just to spite him – after all, the wanker hardly ate at all, he didn’t usually go to breakfast and even if he did, he’d just down a cup of coffee in one go, so it’s not like he needed to get ready before Harry.

This thought was somehow very disturbing to Harry – how on Earth did he notice that? Why was Malfoy’s diet embedded in his brain enough for him to access it like that? He didn’t pay attention to the git after all. He decided he must’ve registered the lack of tension which usually subconsciously indicated the presence of the blonde and that was how he knew when he wasn’t in the Great Hall at meal time. Yes, that must have been it. There was no need to overanalyse this.

But despite his best efforts, the question came back to him throughout the whole week, appearing in his head seemingly out of nowhere at the least convenient times – Hermione must have elbowed him in the ribs at least three times during Charms the following Wednesday because he had been so lost in his thoughts he stopped paying attention.

On his part, Draco didn’t notice anything being different. Potter has been his usual bratty attention-seeking and inconsiderate self – his habit of waking up as late as possible and then loudly complaining to his circle of admirers about not being able to use the bathroom any time he damn well pleased (as if he had ever put any effort in his appearance!) was really starting to annoy Malfoy.

So when on Thursday morning Potter was (yet again!) loudly groaning in what Draco knew was the general direction of the bathroom door, to indicate that His Majesty was now ready to shove whatever t-shirt he found at the bottom of his trunk on himself, 15 minutes before breakfast, Draco has had enough. He slammed the door open angrily glaring daggers at the Saviour Of All Wizards and barked “what do you want now?”.

\- You’re hogging the bathroom again! – Sweet merciful Merlin, this whining was infuriating.

\- Maybe if Your Highness decided to raise out of bed with the rest of us mortals, he wouldn’t have to wait for me to be done?

\- You’ve been there for half an hour already! When am I supposed to wake up, at bloody 3 a.m.?!

\- And I have been up since 5 a.m. and yet, as Our Saviour so insightfully noticed, I’ve been there for 30 minutes. Which means, it would be enough to wake up at 7 a.m..

\- Oh, of course, because the world revolves around your sun-sized arse! – Where the bloody hell did the arse comment came from?! He really needs to restrain himself sometimes.

On his side of the (still open) door Malfoy looked like someone just hit him in the face with a Bludger. What in the name of Salazar was Potter on about? What does his arse have to do with anything? And since when was Potter even paying attention to its size?!

Draco pulled himself together.

\- Nevertheless, the chambers are for Your Highness’ disposal, m’lord.

\- Oh, go fuck yourself. – Yes, this is the best course of action. Pretend the arse comment never happened. Harry shook his head and headed in to brush his teeth. Maybe he would somehow regain some balance over the sink.

All effort was futile though. 10 minutes later Harry emerged from the bathroom still angry. It didn’t help that Malfoy still didn’t move his bloody trunk from directly under the window, like any considerate person would do, which effectively prevented Harry form opening it and checking how cold was it outside – they were having Herbology first, so it would be rather useful to know how many layers he needed on to survive in the greenhouse. But no, Malfoy didn’t care enough to think about anyone besides himself.

Riled up again, Harry stomped into the common room only to find it unusually crowded. It seemed like everyone was reading a notice from McGonagall that was posted on the message board. He managed to squeeze himself in the front of the group and read that the day after tomorrow was Hogsmeade Saturday. He briefly felt better, but the little happiness it gave him was gone the moment he turned around to push through the crowd and leave, only to bump into somebody standing behind him. Of course, Malfoy.

\- Fuck, do you always have to be in people’s way?!

\- Oh, that tone and language seems hardly suitable for the Chosen One, don’t you think? – at this point Draco was so angry he didn’t even bother to be civil towards Potter. After all, he earned it. – Besides, you smacked into me, it’s hardly my fault you don’t pay attention to anyone enough to look where you’re going.

\- I’M not paying attention?! Your bloody trunk is still in the middle of the room, you spent the last week annoying me on purpose and you’re the one that never thinks of anything besides their own arse! – Harry groaned internally. God, arse comment again?! What is going on?!

\- That’s the second comment about my arse you’ve blurted out since you decided to grace the world with your presence this morning, Potter. Are you gay for me or are you just now learning how to appreciate the finer things in life? – Draco decided he wasn’t going let that slide. It was his time to have some fun for once.

\- I-I’m not gay! – Harry was visibly flustered. – And if anything, no body part of yours qualifies as the “fine” category!

\- Oh, so you’ve looked enough to determine that? – The Slytherins were cackling, Hermione looked like she was about to burst out crying and Ron was reaching for his wand.

\- I didn’t need to. – Somehow Harry managed to gain control of himself and speak calmly. – Whatever is attached to you, is part of you or even next to you is as far from “fine” as it can possibly get.

\- If that’s what you need to tell yourself, then fine. – Malfoy mocked-shrugged. – Although you don’t sound like you’ve convinced yourself. At least not judging by the groaning that comes out of your bed every time I leave the bathroom in the morning… - he raised his eyebrow and smirked knowingly.

\- For fuck’s sake, you know I’m annoyed with you hogging the bloody bathroom all morning! – Harry yelled in silence that fell on the room somewhere around the arse reference.

\- Well, again, if that is what you need to tell yourself, it is fine by me. Just don’t make that noise ever again when you see me.

\- I will make any noise I want to Malfoy, no matter how pleased or not you are with them.

\- Some interesting choice of words there, Potter… - Malfoy looked way too pleased with himself for Harry’s taste.

And it seemed like half of the ex-Gryffindors agreed with Harry’s opinion – in a matter of seconds three wands were pointing at Malfoy’s face. If it wasn’t for Hermione’s “Stop this right now!” Ron, Seamus and Dean would’ve hexed Malfoy – each one with their own spell – which would’ve inevitably sent Malfoy to the Hospital Wing for at least a week, by Harry’s estimation.

Somehow (Harry failed to see the logic behind this particular chain reaction) it seemed that by the end of the day all was back to the state of affairs from before the War – it was once again Slytherin vs everyone else, and it seemed like the whole castle was now taking part in the division. Snide comments, that subsided since term started, were now back in full force, along with the pushing and shoving, booing after particularly vocal members of each house ensued, and Slytherins wasted no time in coming up with several degrading chants intended to let the whole student body know Harry Potter was gay for Draco Malfoy.

And once again, all those who considered themselves the “non-Slytherin” camp seemed to rally behind Harry. He knew it was sweet of them and they only meant to show him their support, but it was exactly what he hoped to avoid staying in London during the summer. By nightfall, he received so many pats on the back, well wishes (as if he was dying, he realized bitterly) and pieces of advice along the lines of “Don’t pay attention” and “Don’t worry about those gits” that he was thoroughly sick to his stomach. He could muster only enough energy to half-ass the remainder of his DADA homework and drag himself into the shower before collapsing onto his bed utterly discouraged with the world around him.

***

Harry couldn’t sleep. At 3 a.m. he just laid there, after hours of tossing and turning, listening to Malfoy’s breathing and the sounds of owl wings swooshing behind the window. He tried to empty his mind, but it was no use, the persistent thoughts he was battling ever since the dust of the final battle has collected were back stronger than before. He never wanted this. He never wanted to be the icon, the Boy Who Lived, the Chosen One, the (he thought he heard that one somewhere, but he couldn’t place where) Two Time Survivor. He never wanted to have people gather around him, look at him as a leader. Hell, Hermione was a much better leader than he was! The only reason he was unceremoniously shoved into the role was this stupid scar on his forehead. And worse of all, he knew full well he couldn’t tell any of his friends how he felt. Ron’s assumption back in 4th year was sound – normal people look for glory, not run away from it, so it was only logical he would look for it too. Only weak people looked for someone to take responsibility for their actions. Was the Sorting Hat correct all those years ago? Was he better suited for Slytherin? He was no Gryffindor, that was for certain – Gryffindors were supposed to be brave and all he wanted for a long time now was for someone else to take care of him for a change. God, how much more pathetic could he get? The only comforting thought was that now that Voldemort is gone, nobody was ripping into his brain gaining access to his every thought. Oh, the Daily Prophet would’ve had a field day with this! “The Chosen One is secretly a weak freak!”. “Freak”. This one word has stuck for some reason. “You’re a freak!”, “Nobody thinks like you”, “What the hell is wrong with you?”. He repeated those questions in his head for Merlin knows how long, until a loud screech of an owl brought him back to reality. No, he can’t think like this. He needs to find something else to focus on or he’ll wake up screaming after yet another nightmare.

His eyes fell to the nightstand beside Malfoy’s bed. In the pale moonlight he could just about decipher what was written on the cover of a book Malfoy’s been reading lately – “Practical use of advance medical potions”. He decided that anything would be better than staring at the ceiling, so he grabbed the book, whispered “Lumos” and began skimming it. He was almost halfway through the book when he discovered a chapter entitled “Anxiety and Insomnia Relief”. It peaked his interest. He read through the list of Potions carefully, although if he was honest with himself he didn’t really understand much. The only name he recognized was Draught of Peace, although he didn’t quite remember where he heard about it.

Nevertheless, he knew what he had to do. Armed with a list of potions that might prove useful in his current state copied from Malfoy’s book, he carefully returned the manual to its (hopefully) original position and decided that he had to stop by the Apothecary in Hogsmeade on Saturday. It was almost sunrise when he finally managed to get some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm finally getting into the main plot of this thing! I wanted the first chapter to serve as a background that would at least partially explain why stuff was happenning and now we're getting into the full swing of things.  
> I hope you'll enjoy what I've come up with :) There is going to be more Ron, Hermione and the others later in case you wondered!
> 
> Oh, and side note: That book I was refrencing I just came up with, although Draught of Peace actually exists within the HP universe in case you wondered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It was already past midnight. His excursion to the Hogsmeade Apothecary was a success and Harry was – for the first time since the Battle of Hogwarts – peacefully lying in his bed thinking about nothing, when a loud “BANG!” of opening doors brought him back from his blissful state of haze. He registered (not without some difficulty) that Malfoy had come back to the room from wherever he’s been all Saturday. Harry didn’t care. His brain was floating through the vast plains of literally nothing and although he didn’t quite manage to fall asleep yet, for once he was not accompanied by the distraction of neither the outside world, nor his own disturbing thoughts. So what if he was a freak? So what if the wizarding community placed their trust in the worst person for the job? It didn’t matter now. Somehow, the concoction of potions he took 2 hours before made it all right – like nothing mattered anymore, but in a good way. Harry couldn’t explain this, but it felt right.

***

Malfoy, on the other hand, was as far from things not mattering and being ok as you could possibly get. He just couldn’t believe how dense his friends were being ever since his last confrontation with Potter.

\- You didn’t need to do that, Draco… - Pansy said last Thursday right after they left the common room.

\- Didn’t need to do what exactly? – Draco knew this was not going to be a pleasant conversation. Even though the Slytherins were clearly on his side during the argument, as soon as the four of them were alone, their faces changed.

\- You didn’t need to go there with Potter, you know? – Fantastic, Zabini was on Pansy’s side.

\- Go where? Can any of you actually explain what on Earth are you talking about? – Draco was losing patience rapidly.

\- All the jabs at him being gay. That’s too far. You know that if you want to keep all that private, you need to be more careful. – Merlin, even Nott was cryptic right now.

\- All what?!

\- Your feelings towards Potter. – Pansy looked like she wanted to hide.

\- What feelings? What are you rambling about?!

\- Draco, we know you have a crush on him. It’s all over your face whenever he enters the room.

\- You’re delusional. – Draco sneered. He wanted to drop this conversation as soon as possible.

If he was honest with himself, Draco would see that his attitude towards Potter has changed. The hatred he was so used to was all gone and he’d been seeing it out of sheer stubbornness. It was almost like he convinced himself he hated Potter, when in fact the more time went by since the end of the war, the more he grew to care for him. He first noticed that during the summer, Potter was nowhere to be found. It was odd at first, but deep down, beneath all the loathing he thought he felt, he slowly started to realize how it must feel like with all the unwanted attention. After all, he was experiencing the same thing, even if for entirely different reasons. And if his instinct was correct, that would mean Potter never wanted any of that “glory” and “recognition”. And that, in turn, meant that he must be deep in the pits of hell by now.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he came back to reality only halfway through Herbology. Apparently he was working with Pansy on repotting some plant he was in no shape to recognize, although he probably knew what it was. He looked around. Next to them Weasel was working with Potter (although for some reason Draco’s brain registered the presence of “Harry”, not “Potter”).

Draco didn’t really want to hear what the bloody redhead was saying to his supposed best friend, but he couldn’t exactly cast a silencing charm without risking any more confrontation reaching for his wand, could he? So it was the only logical conclusion that he was practically forced to hear the conversation between Wesley and Potter (Harry?) – completely against his will and better judgement of course.

\- What do you mean you don’t hate him anymore?! – Weasel was clearly disgusted at whatever he was just told.

\- I don’t know, I just… I just don’t. I have no idea how to explain it, it’s weird to me too. I was so used to hating him for over seven years now that I can’t wrap my head around it.

\- But what is it if not hatred though?

\- I don’t know, I told you already! – Potter (by now Draco managed to get his head straight and go back to “Potter”) was getting agitated. – He doesn’t seem like himself lately. He just keeps to himself and stays inside most of the time. I even heard his friends being worried for him last night.

\- Yeah, and? What does this have to do with anything?

\- I don’t have a clue. I thought I just feel sorry for him…

\- Sorry?! After all he’s done?! – Wesley almost shouted. It was clear that he didn’t believe what he was hearing.

\- …but I don’t think it’s that. It kinda feels like I felt about Ginny back in the day. On some level at least.

\- Are you telling me you’re falling for him? Merlin’s beard, I knew you had a thing for blokes, but-… - Wesley was obviously so shocked he couldn’t find the words. - -but him?! Harry, mate, I’m sorry, but if you’re honestly telling me that you have feelings for- for this wanker, then I cannot support this. He is the most disgusting person we both know. And you should know this!

\- Don’t call him a wanker, please. It makes me uncomfortable. Besides, I don’t know if I’m falling for him. It’s not that simple.

\- Mate, falling for this git is not simple in itself… It’s the most bloody fucked-up thing you could tell me. And now you’re telling me it’s even more complicated than that?!

\- Why fucked-up? What would be so bad there? Is it bad that I could potentially have feelings for him?

\- Yes it is! Merlin, of all people, he is the one I can’t see you with. It’s one thing to support your friend when he’s gay, but you falling for this… tosser – Potter winced at what Wesley said – is a whole other barrel of Acromantula eggs.

\- I don’t even know if it’s what it is! All I know now is that I realized that my feelings for him have changed. I don’t hate him and I just want to know what it is I’m feeling. So, if you can find it in yourself to give me some advice on how to talk to him, I would appreciate it. But if not, I will just go to Hermione, she always has some sound advice. – Potter sounded defeated.

\- Sorry mate, I just can’t think straight right now. I don’t know. Honestly, all I can picture right now is you on your knees in front of him and I don’t think I can even eat after that visual.

Draco’s mind was swirling. So Potter was gay and he had feelings for someone. Some part of his brain was coming to a conclusion that maybe, just maybe, it was him they were talking about – after all, how many people Harry (he was back to “Harry” at this point) has hated for seven years that he would still be in contact with today? But the cold logic he always relied on took over. There were many people they might have been talking about. The Chosen One had just as many enemies as he had admirers. And on top of that, Harry wasn’t even sure if he had feelings for the mysterious man. He looked at Pansy – it was clear she heard the whole conversation and she was looking at him like she wanted to say “I told you so” – although, what that “so” was, Draco had no idea.

***

It was only Saturday night that Draco was able to emerge from this thoughts enough to talk to his friends. They were all sitting in an otherwise empty common room.

\- Oh, thank you for joining us finally, Princess! – Zabini sneered.

\- Toss off, Zabini. I’ve been here the whole time! – Draco was too preoccupied with his own analysis of the conversation he overheard to come up with a more clever insult.

\- Yeah? So what has been the topic of conversation for the last hour? – Zabini looked far too content for Draco’s taste.

\- I don’t know. I have better things to do with my time and intellectual capacity to pay attention to you lot. – He should know better than to insult the only people who still talked to him, he noted.

\- I’m pretty sure it has been the same thing Draco has been lost in since Herbology on Thursday… - Pansy drew all the syllables in an annoying manner. – He has a thing for Potter and now he knows Potter has a thing for someone, so Draco is hoping there is a future there!

\- Oh, shut up. I told you already, I do not have a thing for Harry.

\- Harry? – Zabini raised his brows.

\- Like I told you: toss off. There is nothing, and there will be nothing between me and him.

\- Oh, judging by the conversation we all heard, there might just be something there. – Pansy proclaimed in a sing-song voice.

\- Fuck off, all of you! Leave me alone! – Draco’s patience ran out. He was disgusted with what he heard, with his own reaction to it and now, on top of it, with his friends’ attitude towards the whole situation.

He stood up, threw one last icy glare towards his fellow ex-Slytherins and stormed off towards his bedroom. He was fuming. How the hell could they believe he had feelings for Potter?! He despised him. The bloody hero took away all he cherished in his life. He blasted the door open and stopped dead in his tracks. The scene he witnessed inside was definitely not what he had expected…

Potter was lying there, on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his face the epitome of indifference towards the world. He barely even registered Draco’s dramatic entrance. On his bedside table there were four or five different half-empty potion bottles. On the floor beside Potter’s bed there was a knocked-over empty goblet. Right in front of Draco, on the floor, there was a piece of parchment with barely readable writing on it. Draco picked it up and tried to decipher what was written – “draught of peace, draught of living death, forget-all potion…”. He couldn’t understand anything else written, but what he deciphered gave him goosebumps.

\- Potter, what is this? – He didn’t know if he sounded worried or furious. It didn’t matter.

\- A list. – Potter seemed not bothered by the situation at all.

\- I figured as much, thank you. But what is on this list exactly? – Draco wasn’t sure he really wanted an answer. His gut feeling told him all he had to know.

\- My meds. – Potter’s indifference was starting to send Draco somewhere between panic and anger.

\- For the love of God, don’t tell me you took it all at once…

\- I did.

\- Are you out of your mind?! This could kill you! You NEVER combine those first three together!

\- What are the last two anyway? Your handwriting is atrocious!

\- I don’t remember. There is still some left if you want some. Or if you want to try and figure it out.

\- Are you trying to kill yourself?! – Draco was in full panic mode right now.

\- Just trying to forget.

\- Forget what exactly?

\- I took it, I don’t think about anything right now. It’s good.

\- You clearly weren’t thinking when you took it all either!

\- Feels good.

\- You’re a lunatic Potter! – Draco didn’t register how, but he was on Potter’s bed checking his pulse. It seemed fine, thank Merlin. – You need to go to the Hospital Wing now! Or better yet, to Slughorn!

\- No.

\- What?! Did you not hear me when I told you this could kill you?!

\- I did. I don’t care.

Draco knew there was no use trying to make Potter get up and see Slughorn. He decided to finally close the door and just stay with him checking for vital signs and monitoring the situation. After all, if things got serious, he could always get the Potions Master then – or at least he hoped.

\- Where did you get this idea anyway? Are you suicidal?

\- Just trying to forget.

\- You need one potion for that, not half the bloody Apothecary!

\- Hardly half. It was just a couple of bottles.

\- Answer my question! What on Earth gave you this idiotic idea?!

\- Your book.

\- WHAT?! – Draco was not sure if the sheer horror that swept over him was because of his privacy being violated or the idea that Potter was self-medicating based on a book he had no foundation to use safely.

\- That last one you’ve been reading. I borrowed it.

\- Good God Potter, this is too advanced for your limited brain power! – Why was he insulting Potter anyway? – This is a manual for the Healer training! You’re barely scraping by in N.E.W.Ts!

\- It worked.

\- So far! You don’t know if you’ll wake up tomorrow after what you downed! – Draco was frantically leafing through the book to find the chapter Potter “consulted”. If the list was taken from his book, maybe he would be able to figure out what the last two ingredients of Potter’s little cocktail were.

\- If I don’t, so what? What’s it to you?

\- I bloody live with you, they’ll blame me! – That was only part of the reason Draco was freaking out, but Potter didn’t need to know that.

\- Pass me a quill, I’ll write a testimony that I took it by myself.

\- Yeah, sure, brilliant idea! A suicide note will OF COURSE erase all the suspicions they… - he stopped. He reached the list Potter copied and if he was correct in deciphering the handwriting, what Potter drank was enough to knock out a full-grown troll for weeks. Or kill a smaller one. Frankly, the fact that Potter was still conscious was a miracle in itself. – Please, for the love of God, do not tell me that last one on your list is the 86…

\- What does it say it does?

\- It’s a poison you stupid wanker! If you dilute it enough it would just numb everything or possibly knock you out, but you can take just a couple of drops per gallon of water!

\- Yeah, that sounds about right.

\- And you diluted it with draught of peace?!

\- I don’t know.

\- Fuck, hell, fuck, shit, fuck…

\- Hm?

\- How are you even still conscious?! Hell, how are you even still alive?!

\- I don’t know. I feel good though.

Draco was slowly regaining control of himself. He knew he needed to do something, anything, to try and keep Potter alive. He knew he wouldn’t be able to manage this on his own – he had no supplies and no time to brew anything and his own stash of potions taken from Snape’s office after the final battle (for commemoration purposes only, obviously) was way too limited to deal with this situation.

He took a deep breath and made up his mind – his fellow ex-Slytherins were still up, if he asked one of them to go find Slughorn and ask for help, they will surely lend a hand. On shaky legs, he made his way back to the common room. Zabini was no longer there, but Nott and Parkinson were still sitting by the fire discussing something.

\- Guys, there is a situation… - Draco mentally scolded himself. There was no time to start with a lengthy introduction, he needed to act fast.

\- What is it, Drac? – Pansy looked intrigued.

\- It’s Potter. – His friends exchanged knowing looks. – He took some self-made concoction of potions and right now I’m not sure how he’s still alive after what he drank. I need one of you to go find Slughorn, give him the list of what Potter ingested and ask him to come up with something to help. I can’t do it on my own, obviously, and if he dies, as he will if we just leave him there, I’m going to get blamed for it.

\- Why would you be blamed for it? – Nott seemed sceptical.

\- Because I live with him, everyone but us is asleep, and if he’s found stone cold in our room, it’s going to look like I poisoned him! – His patience was running low. There was a literal life-and-death situation and his bloody supposed friends were more keen on discussing possible criminal repercussions than helping! – Guys, can either of you go now? Please? I’ll stay with Potter just to monitor what’s going on.

Pansy sighed.

– Do you know what exactly he took? – Draco handed her Potter’s list with a blank expression. The longer Pansy’s eyes followed the note, the more it seemed like they were going to pop out of their sockets. It would be a comical sight if not for the gravity of the situation. – Holy bloody fuck! Is he suicidal?!

\- He claims he’s not. There is going to be a time for interrogation, hopefully, now go! – Draco all but pushed her through the door and turned around to return to his room. Nott was looking at him curiously.

\- You know, Draco, if I didn’t know you’re the most Slytherin of us all, I’d think you’re trying to rescue Potter’s life for other reasons than just to not end up in Azkaban…

\- “Most Slytherin of us all”? What is that even supposed to mean? – Draco raised his eyebrows. – Anyway, I have no time and no patience to deal with your ridiculous idea that I love him or something. If you’ll excuse me, I have to make sure I stay at Hogwarts for the foreseeable future, than you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Back in the room, once he realized Potter is still very much alive (is he seriously immortal like the gossip says? No, that can’t be it, he must have been just lucky to somehow find correct, non-lethal, proportions), Draco sighed with relief and sat down at the foot of Potter’s bed. Minutes went by and what Zabini said was replaying in Draco’s head over and over again. Was it really just his insistence to avoid Azkaban at all costs that led him to where he is now, or was there something more to the story? Draco finally managed to admit to himself that he did not in fact hate Potter, but did that mean he was falling in love? No, that’s too far. He simply cared about his well-being. He didn’t want the bloody Chosen One to die because that would mean the whole war was for nothing.

It took nearly a minute for it to strike him what the implications of that last thought were. If Potter dying meant that the war accomplished nothing, that would mean that – from his own perspective – the object of the war was not to defeat the Dark Lord but to keep Potter alive. But why would he care about that? Draco sighed audibly. Maybe his friends weren’t all that wrong after all? Maybe there was something there?

Draco decided that he needed to be honest with himself for once. There was no need to keep up appearances in his own head – nobody was exactly there to probe around in his thoughts anymore, not with Bellatrix dead and his father in Azkaban (he really should be more upset by the fact that he probably won’t see Lucius ever again, but somehow it didn’t bother him – his mother got out on the virtue of saving Harry Potter in the Forbidden Forest and that was all that mattered. He had all he wanted.), so what was the point in burying all he truly felt somewhere deep?

He rolled his eyes and began analysing everything that happened since he was marked by Voldemort. He had done it countless times before, but this time it was from a different perspective, so it took some time and effort. By the time he heard Pansy’s knocking on the door 20 minutes later, he reached the conclusion that he did, in fact, have feelings for Harry (somehow, just like a couple of days before, he couldn’t bring himself to refer to the ex-Gryffindor as “Potter”, not even in his own head). But what was he going to do about it? That would have to wait, for now there were more important matters at hand.

\- Come in, it’s open.

\- I got it. – Pansy looked flushed and out of breath. – Slughorn wasn’t even asking too many questions, he just wanted to know who was stupid enough to take this.

\- What did you tell him? – It was only now that Draco realised that he didn’t exactly want Slughorn to know it was Harry, although he didn’t know why.

\- I told him I didn’t know. I said I found some child I didn’t recognize barely conscious in the corridor while I was coming back from the library and I decided it was better to come see Slughorn about it than Madame Pomfrey.

\- And he bought it?

\- Yeah, he’s a sucker for compliments. I asked him not to do anything about it, the child was too freaked out by the effects to ever try that again. He promised to keep his mouth shut.

\- Give me the bottle. Do you know what he put inside?

\- No idea. He mixed some pre-made potions and I didn’t see the labels. There was a lot of it though.

\- Ugh, shame. It would be useful to know what he did. You know, for academic purposes. – Somehow he wasn’t ready to tell Pansy the whole truth yet.

\- Yeah, sure… - She didn’t buy it. Of course she didn’t, she wasn’t stupid.

Draco hovered over Harry and forced Slughorn’s antidote down his throat. It took a couple of seconds for Potter (and just like that, Draco slipped back to his old, guarded self, simply because someone else was in the room) to start coughing and wheezing.

\- What the fuck, Malfoy? Are you trying to kill me? What was that? – It was safe to assume Potter was fine. He wouldn’t be able to yell at Draco like he did if the antidote didn’t work.

\- As a matter of fact, I was trying to save your sorry ass. You don’t remember lying here for almost 3 hours now, barely conscious?

\- I do. And I remember you trying to convince me I was trying to kill myself. And now you’re hovering over me like some bloody dementor shoving God knows what down my throat!

\- As it happens, if I was trying to kill you, I’d just let you be. That little cocktail you so eagerly downed earlier today would’ve killed you by morning. What I “shoved” down your throat was Slughorn’s antidote.

\- Yo-You told Slughorn about this? – Potter was visibly panicked. – You had no right!

\- Easy, he doesn’t know it was for you. Pansy here was clever enough to foresee your reaction and didn’t tell him. – By now Draco was sitting next to Potter with his hand resting on the Gryffindor’s arm calmingly. He looked over his shoulder. Pansy had left, the two of them were alone.

\- Oh, great, now the whole fucking Slytherin will know I’m some sort of a drug addict!

\- “Drug addict”? – Draco didn’t understand.

\- Muggle expression. They call pills and potions “drugs”.

\- Anyway, they won’t know. For now, only Pansy, Zabini and I know and I’ll talk to them. Slytherins are quite good at being discreet.

\- Somehow I don’t believe you. – Draco thought his hand on Harry’s shoulder must’ve done the trick, because Harry was way calmer now.

\- Chill out. If we let it slip it’s you, Slughorn would know Pansy lied to him. And we can’t have that. – Yes, this was the argument he was going to present to his friends. There was no need for them to know the true reason.

\- Well, ok, fine. Thank you, Draco. – “Draco”? What just happened? Harry had no idea what or why happened in his own brain that caused him to use Malfoy’s first name.

On his end, Draco was equally as shocked, although he quickly composed himself to hide it. There was absolutely no reason to antagonise Harry right now with snarky questions. He smiled unsurely and waited for a reaction. To his relief Harry smiled back. Draco pulled back and sat, once again, at the foot of the bed, facing Harry.

\- So, you feel well enough to tell me what the hell happened? – He really needed to know what caused Harry to nearly kill himself.

\- Well… - Harry hesitated. He wasn’t sure that pouring his heart out to the blonde was the best course of action, but somehow, at the same time, it didn’t seem like a completely idiotic idea.

\- Come on, I’m not telling anyone. They don’t need to know.

\- Well, ok. – Harry sighed, searching for the right words. – You know how I was hiding all summer?

\- Yeah, I noticed. Where were you anyway?

\- I’ve got a house in London, I inherited it from Sirius.

\- Oh, so that was where the infamous Black residence went! Bellatrix was livid when she found out she’s not getting it, but nobody told her who really got it. Turned out for the best, I suppose.

\- Yeah, you’re probably right. Anyway, I was there all summer. I needed to get away from everyone.

\- Why? You were adored. – It was time for Draco to finally corroborate his own instinct.

\- I didn’t want to be. – Harry sounded frustrated and exhausted by the idea itself. – Everyone wanted something form me, wanted opinions, wanted input. You know, like at the trials, when they asked me if you and your mother should be exonerated. I’m not a lawyer for fuck’s sake! How should I know? I told them so, I told them I can only speak of what I saw, that you weren’t willing to kill Dumbledore, you were forced into it, and that your mother was the one that lied to him to get me back to the castle.

\- I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but she wasn’t lying for you. She lied to get back to the castle and find me, she knew the only way she was going back was if you were dead and this was a victory parade.

\- I knew that. To me it doesn’t matter, I ended up alive because of what she did and that’s all the Wizengamot needed to know. If I told the truth, she would end up in Azkaban with your father and I knew by then that you were getting off, so I didn’t want you to end up an orphan like me.

\- You lied for me? – Draco caught himself producing tears.

\- Yeah, I knew you had it rough enough already. – Harry was flustered.

\- Anyway, what do Death Eater trials months ago have to do with you almost killing yourself tonight?

\- I’m getting to it. So I was hiding practically all summer. I just wanted some peace, I didn’t want to be a leader anymore. – By now, all of Harry’s reservations were gone. He was entrusting all of his mental battles with himself in Draco. – I just wanted to be taken care of for once, not take care of people around me. I was hoping when I came back here I would have some peace and quiet for a change, but it didn’t last. When McGonagall roomed us together, I was furious and scared. I didn’t want there to be anymore confrontation, any more choosing sides. But it was all ok for a while, you know that. And then, after that last argument we had in the common room, it was like I was back at square one. Like the war never happened, like we were 6th years again. It was all back to “Slytherin vs the rest” and people were looking up to me again, looking for me to be some sort of leader in this crusade against you and your housemates. And I started to panic and spiral again, that was the last thing I wanted coming back! I just wanted to be left alone for once, not to have “supporters”, not to even be looked at. – Harry realized he was starting to cry. He knew it was humiliating and stupid, but he couldn’t stop himself. – God, you must thing I’m a freak… Who doesn’t want to be the one in charge? Normal people look for this kind of recognition their whole lives, and I’m being handed all that and I don’t want it. Pathetic. – He couldn’t stop crying and talking.

\- That’s not pathetic. – Draco’s expression was unreadable. – You’re not a freak.

\- No? What am I then? What kind of person runs away from being an adult?

\- It’s not running away from being an adult. It’s just that you sometimes want to not be in charge of anything, sometimes you want to, like you said, be taken care of. – Draco’s expression softened. His eyes were careful and somehow… tender? – You really think everyone wants all the glory and recognition all the time?

\- Normal people do. – Harry said bitterly.

\- Trust me, hardly anybody would want to be in your situation. You’ve been shoved into being a leader practically since you came to Hogwarts that 1st year, nobody asked your opinion, and last year it only escalated. And from what my instinct tells me, that is not your personality.

\- Instinct? What are you talking about?

\- I have this thing where I can somehow sense people like you. – Draco was carefully choosing his words now. He knew that one false move could send Harry back into the spiral and if that happened, nothing would convince him he’s not a freak.

\- “People like me”? – Harry didn’t understand at all.

\- Oh God, how do I explain it if you haven’t realized this by yourself already…? – Draco was talking more to himself now than he did to Harry. – Ok, I’m just going to say this, but you have to promise me that you will not freak out and you will allow me to explain this as well as I can before you come to any rash conclusions, ok? Can you do that for me?

\- I think I can… - Harry hesitated.

\- Ok, so here it goes. As far as I can tell, if I’m correct, and I’ve never been wrong before, you have several traits of a sub. – Draco’s brain was screaming “this is all wrong, you have no right to tell him, he needs to realise it for himself!”, but it was already done. There was nothing, short of Obliviating Harry, he could do now.

\- Of a what? – Harry couldn’t wrap his head around it.

\- A sub. That’s short for “submissive”.

\- Like in sex…?

\- Not necessarily. It doesn’t have to be strictly a sex thing, but it can.

\- So you think I’m a pushover?

\- No, no, no. – Draco sighed. – It has nothing to do with being a pushover. It’s just that sometimes a person, an otherwise very well-functioning, independent adult, gets into this mindset where they need to relinquish all control over their lives to someone else. It can happen on its own or because of something that happened to them in a particular situation. Sometimes, if they are in a long enough relationship with a person that is willing to gain that control, which is called a “dominant”, the other person can provoke their partner to get into that headspace with particular actions or words.

\- And I’m assuming, since you say you can sense if someone is a… sub? – Harry hesitated, but continued when he saw Draco nodding with a small smile – that you’re the other type?

\- I’m a dom, yes.

\- So that’s why you always direct all the other Slytherins? – Harry knew he shouldn’t ask that question, but he couldn’t stop himself.

\- Well, yes and no. I enjoy taking control and giving orders, but that’s not strictly what being a dom is about. It comes out in a relationship, where I not only gain control over my partner, but also take responsibility for them. It’s more based on trust and understanding what the other person needs than simple barking orders at other people. It’s deeper than that. But I thing that it goes hand in hand with the fact that I do like being a leader to my friends, it’s a nice complement to that.

\- So you say, I would like to give someone full control over my life? – Harry didn’t seem convinced.

\- In certain situations, basically yes. Not all the time most likely.

\- God, if that doesn’t mean I’m a freak, I don’t know what on Earth would mean that! – He looked like he was on the verge of tears again.

Draco instinctively reached to Harry and pulled him in. They ended up lying there, at the foot of Harry’s bed, with Harry’s face buried in the crook of Draco’s neck, their chests pressed together, legs entangled, Harry tightly wrapped in Draco’s arms.

\- You’re not a freak. It’s just who you are. If you were a freak, what would that make me? – Draco whispered. – I’d be a freak too. Most likely regarded by other people as a sadistic one at that.

\- No, you’re normal. It’s normal to want to be in charge… - Harry protested weakly.

\- So, by all means of logic, it must be normal to want to not be for a while. I’m not talking about someone controlling you all the time. It’s just in certain situations. From what I can tell, you’re just overwhelmed with all the crap that fell on you and that’s what triggered a rather massive sub response.

\- You’re right. I’m just so sick of my life sometimes.

\- I know, I know. What you’ve been through would discourage anyone from being in charge, and the fact that I’m most likely right about who you are only amplified that.

\- But how do I know that’s what it is? What I am, I mean? – Harry raised his head to look in Draco’s eyes.

\- Who, not what. – Draco corrected him gently. – Ask yourself, if I were to tell you right now that I can, let’s say until the end of the weekend, take care of you, look out for you and guide you through everything, and you wouldn’t need to decide anything, would that sound good or bad to you?

\- Mhm… - Harry murmured. He was lost in thought. – Honestly, I think that would sound like a protective bubble to be in.

\- And is that good or bad?

\- Good… I think…

\- There you go.

\- Would you do that for me though?

Draco felt a mixture of hope and panic bubbling up. Did Harry really want him to do that? Or was it just exhaustion and the shock of realization of his true identity talking?

\- Do you really want me to be the one to do that? Or is it just the idea that appeals to you? – He was hesitant, but he tried his best to word his concerns in a way that wouldn’t upset Harry.

\- I… I don’t know. – Harry sat up. Draco suddenly felt cold even though the room was warm enough. – I realized some time ago I’m gay. After the war ended and I could freely be with Ginny like I thought I wanted to, I realized I didn’t have any romantic feelings for her. She was-is amazing, and I feel good around her, like I can finally be myself, but there was no love there, you know?

\- I think I understand. You gravitated towards her because she’s a strong person. On some level it must have been the same reasoning that led you to have this conversation with me of all people.

\- You mean that sub thing again? – Harry looked like all the things in his head were at last starting to make sense.

\- I don’t know what her, well, “affiliations” are, I don’t know her well enough, but from what I’ve heard, she might be the type of person you would subconsciously look for, even if she wasn’t the right gender for you. Just to find some level of protection in her.

\- It makes sense. – Harry concluded. – Either way, after there were no obstacles and I didn’t find myself looking for her, I started to analyse this and I realised I was actually attracted to guys. But in all honesty, I’m not entirely sure if what I feel for you means I’m falling for you or if it’s the same thing I felt towards Ginny.

Draco saddened. So Harry had no real feelings towards him. All the hope he felt a minute ago vanished. It must have reflected on his face, because Harry spoke again.

\- No, no, don’t look at me like that, please. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Like I said, I don’t know what it is. If I’m being honest, I have never really been in love with anyone, so I just don’t know what it feels like. I’ve been trying to figure this out ever since we came back, I talked to Ron, but he was no help, I don’t know how to determine what it is that I’m feeling. It’s just confusing, until today I thought you loathed me, so I tried to push all that away and just hate you like I used to, but I can’t.

\- Is this why you’ve been picking fights with me?

\- I tried to convince myself I can’t feel anything towards you because I have to hate you, but after the last one it all just drained from me. I couldn’t pretend anymore.

\- It sounds like it’s a lot to handle for you. I know how it feels. I’ve went through the same process since Thursday. But… - He hesitated. He really shouldn’t say anything else. Admitting how he truly felt right then and there wouldn’t do any good.

\- …But?

\- But I have friends to help me figure things like that out. – That was a good enough lie for now. – You’d be surprised, but Slytherins are pretty good with the feelings stuff.

\- So I should just make friends in Slytherin and talk to them?

\- No, no. – Draco laughed. – I’m just saying maybe you talk to Granger. Wesley doesn’t seem like the type of guy that would give solid love advice.

\- Yeah, I figured as much. Hermione once said he has an emotional range of a teaspoon…

\- I never thought I’d say this, but for once in my life I’m agreeing with the insufferable bitch.

\- Hey, just because I’ve now poured my heart out to you doesn’t mean you’re free to insult my friends! – He didn’t really look that angry. Draco registered that Harry agreed with him, even though he didn’t want to admit it flat out.

\- I’m trying to restrain myself, believe me. Years of indoctrinated hatred towards your incautious lot don’t let go that easily.

\- “Incautious”. God, you’re dramatic… - Harry laughed out loud this time. Soon, Draco joined him. Maybe McGonagall was up to something when she decided to assign them to the same room?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so as you most probably gathered by now, I have zero knowledge of dom/sub relationships. This is just how I understand it - if any of you feel offended by my take on it, I sincerely apologize, and feel free to explain in the comments.
> 
> At any rate, do let me know what you think! Like I said, this is my first fic and I'll be really grateful for tips of what you liked and what you didn't!
> 
> Also, it's getting a little darker as we go along, so I think I'm just going to change the rating to Explicit at this point.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Harry knew Draco was right. He needed to talk to Hermione and the sooner he did that, the better. His discussion with Draco was eating at him for half the night. Somehow he came to terms with the fact that Malfoy was in fact right about Harry wanting to relinquish control over himself to someone, but he still wasn’t all that convinced it was normal and healthy. And on top of that there was still the question of his newfound attitude towards Draco. So far, the revelations provided only served to send his brain into more of a spin than before, not ease any of his concerns. He decided that he’ll try to talk to Hermione in private after lunch.

It was Sunday, so they all had the afternoon free, but Harry didn’t want to join his classmates in hanging around in the common room. He was lying on his bed trying to finally get done with all his homework that was due next week, but as soon as he figured out a particularly tricky question on his Charms worksheet there was a knock on the door. Malfoy raised his eyes from his Herbology essay and called for whoever was on the other side to come in. It was the first break in silence in the room since they finished their last night’s conversation in a fit of laughter. Harry didn’t know how to act around his roommate anymore (at least not until he finally figured out what the hell was he feeling), so he decided it’s best to just stick with ignoring each other.

Draco, on the other hand, had no idea why Potter went back to being so guarded after their conversation. He thought they managed to reach some form of mutual understanding and regardless of the fact that they would quite possibly never end up together (in fairness, Draco wasn’t even sure that was what he wanted, despite admitting to himself that he was, in fact, falling in love – being even close to Harry Potter was not easy, and he didn’t know if he would be up for all the drama that would inevitably ensue shall they start dating), Draco hoped they could become friends. He had just reached a rather bitter conclusion that maybe not all the potions taken were out of Potter’s system when they talked and he simply didn’t remember last night, when he heard a knock on the door. He called for the person to come in.

Pansy stormed into their bedroom.

\- Come on, Draco, you can’t be sulking in here all day long! The boys and I are going to the grounds to study there and I’m taking you with us! Not a question! – Only now her eyes fell to the other bed. – Oh, afternoon Potter.

\- Hello Pansy. – Harry had lost all his concentration, so he reluctantly set the parchment down bracing himself to go find Hermione. After all, now was as good of a time as any. – Seen Hermione?

\- Yeah, she’s in our room snogging Wesley. I had to get out of there. – She made a disgusted face. – Draco, what are you still doing lying down? Up with you!

\- Not coming. Not in the mood. – Draco muttered from above a rather lengthy roll of parchment.

\- When did I ask you if you’re in the mood to go? I’m INFORMING you that you’re going!

\- Since when do I take any orders from people? I’m the one that gives orders around here. – He briefly glanced at Harry. He thought he saw just a hint of scarlet on the Gryffindor’s cheeks, but he couldn’t be sure.

\- Oh, that you do, no doubt. And rather expertly at that if one is to believe what was said by… - Harry didn’t hear the end of that sentence. He was out the door as fast as he could without raising suspicions.

***

\- So, Harry, what’s the problem? – Hermione was just now climbing down from Ron’s lap to sit next to him on her bed.

\- Well, I… - Harry wasn’t sure just how much he wanted to tell his friends about the previous night. If it was just Hermione he might be able to spill everything, but with Ron there it wasn’t as easy. – I kind of have a problem.

\- That much is evident from your expression actually. Is it Malfoy? Is he acting up again?

\- Well, it is Malfoy. But… - He decided to tell them both the whole truth. It wouldn’t be fair to force Hermione to keep secrets from her boyfriend for him, and besides, Ron might actually have some good insights, if he managed not to blow up like he often did.

\- But what? – Ron chimed in. – If he’s not acting up than what is it?

\- You both realize I’m gay, right? – He decided to start slow.

\- Yeah, we do. And last time you brought up this conversation I ended up not eating lunch if you recall. – Ron was appalled at the memory.

\- Well, it ties into that. Before you ask, Ron, I still don’t know how I feel about Draco, but there’s even more to that.

\- “Draco”? Mate, you’re falling.

\- Don’t interrupt him! – Hermione decided to reign her boyfriend in. – Go on, Harry.

\- So last night we talked. For a long time. – He swiftly omitted the “nearly killing himself and being saved by Draco Malfoy” part. There would be time for that later. – And Draco made me realize some things about myself.

\- Such as…? – Even Hermione was impatient at this point.

\- Apparently, I have a problem with being in charge. As in, I don’t want to be. Not like all the time, sometimes I just want to be left alone… - He hesitated. – To be taken care of actually.

\- There’s nothing wrong with that, you know that? – Hermione didn’t seem to grasp what Harry was trying to say.

\- No, it’s not like when you’re not feeling well and someone is bringing you cookies and tea, if that’s what you understood. It goes further than that. Some days I just want someone else to take full control of my life and just look out for me while I do what I’m told. Draco says it’s a whole thing and it’s supposedly called “being a submissive”. – His face was red, he could hardly look at his friends in embarrassment.

\- Oh, I think I know what you mean! I read about it in a Muggle psychology book! – Hermione exclaimed excitedly.

\- Well, I, for one, have no idea what are you talking about. – Ron looked sceptical. – Do you mean to tell me that you want Malfoy to tell you what to do?

\- Hm, kind of. It’s not as simple as being ordered around by someone, it’s deeper. It’s a kind of relationship where you trust the other person completely to not hurt you so you just give them all control of you for some time. – Harry saw Ron scowl. – And besides, I don’t know if I want to have that kind of a relationship with Draco. Last night I did, but when he asked me if I was sure, I wasn’t.

\- And you shouldn’t be! Merlin, what kind of perverted arrangement would that be?

\- Ron, stop! – Hermione looked terrified.

\- Am I wrong? Am I? Tell me Hermione, do you honestly believe it’s humanely possible for Malfoy to “take care” of Harry? He’s as evil as they come! Not to mention stupid! And Harry, you should know better than that! Last year you won the war, not to mention you DIED in the process, and now you want an ex-Death Eater to control your life?! Are you completely INSANE?! – Ron was screaming and all Harry could do at this point was to hope nobody overheard. He scolded himself for not casting Muffliato at the door. He should’ve known Ron would go off like that.

\- Ron, please, stop this… - Hermione was all but crying.

\- No, Hermione, it’s a good thing I know how he feels. – Harry said bitterly. – I thought you were both supportive of me, but it’s good to know who I can count on.

\- No mate, I’m sorry, but I can’t support that. I’m ok with you being gay, even if I wanted you and Ginny to end up together, but this I can’t stand by. Not only is this whole submissive thing bloody twisted, but with Malfoy of all people?!

\- Thank you for your sincerity, Ron. – Harry said coldly.

\- God, you spent one night with him and you already sound like him! – Ron sounded shocked. – I knew this was a bad idea! What have you been doing that made you turn like that?!

\- Nothing, I told you. We talked. Unlike you, he tried to understand how I felt.

\- Oh, really? Is that all? It’s pretty convenient he “understood” – Ron’s air quotes infuriated Harry – how you feel. Funny he’s the only one while none of your real friends picked up on it, isn’t it?

\- Maybe because I was afraid to talk to you about it before, didn’t you think of that? – Harry felt heat rising to his cheekbones.

\- And why is that? Why is Malfoy more trustworthy than me and Hermione?

\- I don’t know, all right?! – He was yelling again. – It all just came out of me last night, like something broke! What are you getting at anyway?

\- Are you BLIND?! It’s obvious! Malfoy’s a bloody pervert! He clearly messed with your head trying to get you to sleep with him! He wants to tie you up or whatever his degenerate brain came up with and fuck you!

\- Ron, I’m begging you, stop this! – Hermione was crying.

\- No Hermione, let him talk. He clearly has things to say, better let him do it now so that I can go my way alone after this discussion is over.

\- Alone? Fine by me! At least I won’t have a delusional deviant as a friend! Go ahead, leave and get your new boyfriend to cut you up to get you off or something! See if I care!

Harry stormed off, leaving still crying Hermione with Ron. He couldn’t get his body to stop shaking. He needed air.

He was walking through the grounds alone, thoughts swirling in his head. His discussion with Ron and Hermione only proved one thing – he was right that Ron wouldn’t understand. Hermione seemed supportive, but it was hardly any consolation. Halfway through the grounds he realised something surprising – all his heated hatred and disgust at Ron’s comments didn’t stem from feeling betrayed, like it would make sense, but from the fact that Harry couldn’t understand how could Ron be so blindly against Draco. The accusations he so freely threw and the Slytherin were what made Harry so livid. Couldn’t Ron see that Draco was a different person now? That he had changed? That he had dropped all of his previous self-absorbance and aristocratic tendencies and was actually revealing his true self? And that that other side of Draco was actually a good person that was forced into a bad situation he didn’t see any way out of? Harry stopped dead in his tracks. The comprehension hit him over the head like one of the branches on the Whomping Willow. He really was falling for Draco. It wasn’t just that he needed someone to be there for him and Draco was conveniently there. He somehow, subconsciously sought him out and that was why all of his bottled up feelings from the last couple of months came pouring out last night. It wasn’t because he nearly died and he needed to vent to someone. It was because it was Draco. And Harry loved him.

***

The ex-Slytherins were sitting by the Great Lake in the last rays of end-of-the-summer sunshine before autumn would inevitably take over. They were supposed to study together, but somehow all of their books laid discarded on the grass and the students were deep in conversation.

\- Draco, we know, we told you that countless times already! You don’t need to try and hide it! – Pansy was clearly frustrated with him.

\- Hide what?

\- That you’re in love with Potter! You certainly proved this last night. – Nott looked him with the same “I told you so” expression Draco received from Pansy before.

\- Yeah, because trying to make sure someone doesn’t die is a clear sign of being in love with them. – Draco scoffed. His friends were being even more annoying than before about it. He needed to put an end to this once and for all.

\- If that was it, why was there light coming from under your door all night? – Nott raised his eyebrows. – Some trying-to-keep-you-alive shagging perhaps?

\- Listen carefully now, because I will not repeat myself. If there’s even one more instance when I hear… - he didn’t finish this thought, because all of the attention was suddenly on a figure coming in their direction. Potter.

Harry saw the group and his legs suddenly carried him in their direction. He stood over the Slytherins and hesitantly asked “Draco, can we talk in private?”. Draco threw one last warning glare at his friends and stood up to follow Potter around the lake.

\- What is it? – He asked. There was nothing in his voice that would indicate any sort of emotion.

\- You remember how you asked me last night if I had feelings for you? – Harry was visibly scared.

\- I asked no such thing, Potter.

\- Not directly, I know. But you asked if the idea of you taking charge of me sounded good because it was you or because I wanted anyone to do that and you were just there.

\- That I did. – He was still cold towards Harry after their lack of communication that morning. He didn’t want to get hurt by rejection. – What about it?

\- Well, I talked to Ron and Hermione like you said. Actually, Ron mostly, Hermione was mainly crying… - Harry hesitated.

\- I knew that mudblood wouldn’t understand a thing! – Draco angrily burst.

\- No, no, it’s not her. She was actually really sweet. I told them about the sub thing and she completely understood what I meant. She seemed ok with it all, me being what I am, you explaining all of this…

\- Who, not what. – Draco softened. He couldn’t bear Harry still referring to himself as “what”, even if he was bracing himself for being inevitably rejected. – You need to stop doing that, it only reinforces your idea that there is something wrong with you. Once again, there isn’t.

\- I’m sorry.

\- Don’t be, it takes time, I know. But continue please, because I still don’t understand why was Granger crying.

\- It was Ron. He… he lashed out. He said that I’m delusional, that you somehow got that idea in my head to take advantage of me.

\- WHAT?! – Few birds that were still looking for worms on the ground took off startled by Draco’s scream.

\- Yeah, he was really unpleasant. He said it’s not normal, he said we’re perverts and that I probably want you to cut me up to get me off.

\- That bloody fucking… - Draco was fuming. He was seeing white and all he could feel at that moment was pure rage. If anyone would approach him hight now, there would be Unforgivable Curses flying in the air. Suddenly he caught a glimpse of Harry’s frightened expression and came back. He softened instantly. – Harry, listen to me. I told you that last night and I will tell you this over and over, until I get through to you. You are normal. We are normal. There is nothing perverted about what you’re feeling. And if you need some time to figure out if this is really what you’re feeling or if I planted all of this in your head, I will give you as much space as you need, regardless of what comes out of it. Do you understand me?

\- I do, Draco. This is actually why I wanted to talk to you. After that argument with Ron I started thinking and I know why I asked you that question yesterday. – Draco tensed. This was it. This was the moment he was going to find out that he needs to let go of his feelings and start rebuilding himself yet again. – I’m falling for you. Last night I wanted you to be with me because of you, not because I just needed someone.

It was all a haze. Draco wasn’t even sure he really heard what he thought he heard. He was trying to compose himself enough for any sort of reaction, when a sheepish voice brought him out of his trance: “Draco, can you hug me?”. He wrapped his arms tightly around Harry resting his chin on top of the Gryffindor’s head. All was good in the world. There might, after all, be a chance for some happiness.

Through the sound of distant cheering of the group of Slytherins by the Lake and the feeling of pure bliss that seemed to hug them both in a pleasant mist, neither of them heard a muffled “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” that came from the direction of the castle, where Ron stood rooted to the spot in pure disbelief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so Ron is an arsehole clearly (at least for now, haha), because we need things to not be just susnhine and roses all the time and I'm a proud Slytherin to the core, in case that is not obvious by now. 
> 
> Do let me know what you think :) And thanks for the Kudos I've gotten so far, you're really sweet! :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

By Monday it seemed like the whole school knew Potter and Malfoy were an item. Harry didn’t mind it in itself, but what was a little unnerving, was the fact that Ron knew the specific character of their relationship and given how he reacted, he might tell everyone. And for that, Harry just wasn’t ready yet. He didn’t know how Draco felt about it though – they didn’t discuss anything yet, they spent the afternoon merging their beds together (which was a task in itself, since apparently both of them had previously focused their energy on spells useful in duelling and no energy whatsoever was invested into household-related charms). By nightfall they were both exhausted – they had to put out two separate fires, then they accidentally vanished the somehow-king-sized-now bed completely (what else they were trying to achieve after their single ones were miraculously merged, Harry didn’t seem to recall), before finally giving in (not without pouting on Draco’s part) and enlisting Hermione to help.

Thankfully, her attitude towards their new relationship status made up for Ron’s obvious (and according to Draco, clearly theatrical) disgust. She tried to be as helpful and optimistic about the whole situation as possible (even though Harry concluded that it was a tad bit exaggerated – he didn’t blame her though, she was clearly trying to keep Harry’s spirits up after the disastrous confrontation with her boyfriend), whereas Ron, on the other hand, seemed to either ignore Harry’s existence completely (in all fairness, he was doing it to Draco long before he and Harry got together), or scoffed and rolled his eyes in fake disbelief anytime he heard him. Tired of his constant attitude, Harry retired to his bedroom early and spent the whole evening next to Draco, each working on their homework. As a result, none of them managed to broach the subject of their relationship going public.

As such, Monday morning Harry decided he had to muster enough courage to talk to Ron. He got ready as quickly as possible and knocked on his ex-best friend’s bedroom door before he even got a chance to say hello to Draco. Neville opened the door.

\- Hi Neville, is Ron there? – Harry tried to be as calm as possible, despite his heart practically crushing his ribs.

\- Not talking to perverts, thank you very much. – Ron’s voice from inside the room sounded like a very poor attempt to cover up loathing with disinterest.

\- Hey Ron, I actually really have to discuss something with you. – Still calm, ok, so far it’s not entirely bad.

\- And I don’t.

\- Ron, please, can you hear me out? I’m not asking you to be my friend, I understand your position. – That was a blatant lie. - I just have one tiny thing to ask of you. And I suppose you might be ok with it given how you’re feeling…

\- Since when do you even take into consideration how I’m feeling? – Harry had to concentrate very hard to not ask Ron why on Earth would he take his feelings into consideration when his happiness didn’t hurt anybody.

\- I do care about you still, you know? – Harry stepped into the room after Neville strategically retreated to the common room. – You don’t just throw 8 years of friendship out the window.

\- You did. But whatever, what do you even want? I have no time for degenerates, so say what you have to say and go.

\- You see, you and Hermione are the only ones that know what’s really going on between me and Draco. The rest only knows we’re together. So… - Harry hesitated. – So I would be thankful if you could just keep the details to yourself.

\- You mean don’t tell anyone else you want Malfoy to give you orders? Are you already ashamed of yourself? I’ll see what I can do. I haven’t decided yet.

Harry sighed. He supposed that was pretty good given the state of affairs between him and his former best friend. He couldn’t do anything else. He thanked Ron and walked back to his own bedroom. As soon as he entered, Draco sat up.

\- Wow, first morning together and you’re already abandoning me? That was cold Harry… - he feigned wiping away a tear.

\- Oh, don’t be so dramatic, not now.

\- What’s going on? – Draco got serious. – Where have you been anyway?

\- Talking to Ron. I wanted to ask him to keep this whole sub thing to himself since nobody knows about it.

\- Are you having second thoughts? – Draco looked worried.

\- No, no, it’s not that. I’m just not ready yet to explain it to everyone. After how Ron reacted, I think there would be at least several more attitudes like that and I’m still in the process of figuring all of this for myself. Are you ok with this?

\- I am, no problem. – Draco loosened. – Although, in the spirit of honesty, you probably need to know that Parkinson, Nott and Zabini know who I am and how I approach relationships. I’ve been down that road before you see, and they’ve witnessed that. But they know better than to go around and blab about it to everyone, so you don’t need to worry about anything getting out as long as Weasel keeps his mouth shut.

That was not what Harry just got worried about. Somehow the whole topic of past relationships slipped out of his mind completely until now. Of course Draco has had boyfriends before, that was obvious, but up until that point, the thought hadn’t registered with Harry. He was rapidly approaching panic mode. What now? Did Draco suspect that he was his first serious partner, let alone boyfriend? How would Harry tell him that? Will he back out if he knows? And what about sex? It was safe to assume that Draco’s first time was long gone, but Harry was still a virgin and he wasn’t even sure how sex between two guys was supposed to look like. That last thought caused a bitter chuckle. He was 18, by all means an adult, and his whole sexual education were crude jokes tossed around the Gryffindor dorm and some magazines he found in the cupboard under the stairs back at Dursleys when he was moving out – all of that obviously very heterosexual. He was screwed. It was Draco’s worried voice that snapped him back to reality.

\- Harry? Harry?

\- Mhm, yeah?

\- What’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a dementor…

\- No, it’s nothing, I was just thinking. – He sat on the bed. – Well, no. I was kind of panicking honestly.

\- What about? What’s wrong? Did I say something? You really don’t need to worry about my friends, they really won’t sell us out…

\- No, it’s not that. It’s what you said about them knowing who you are. I just never realized until now that we hadn’t talked about past relationships…

\- What do you want to know then? How many boyfriends I had?

\- No, that’s not what I was talking about. Although, actually, I might want to know. – He added after reflecting.

\- Well, there has been one over the summer after the 5th year, my first. You don’t know him probably, he was from abroad. Then I had a brief fling with Davies’ older brother, it lasted about 2 months somewhere in the 6th And there were a couple of one night stands with several Ravenclaws, one Durmstrang student over the Easter holidays and one very drunken mistake with Nott. All together, around 12 people I think?

\- You slept with Nott?! – Harry was white as a sheet. – Oh dear God…

\- Now, don’t panic. There’s nothing between me and Theo. We were just drunk one night and it sort of happened and trust me, we both regret it. We couldn’t look at each other for weeks. And besides, that was almost two years ago. Anyway, you said you were worried about something else?

\- Yea-Yeah, I did. – Harry was desperately trying to go back to his original train of thought after those revelations. – It just never occurred to me that you should know that… - He swallowed. – That you’re my first boyfriend. First serious relationship in fact.

\- Honestly, I figured as much myself. With all you’ve been forced to do, it seemed obvious that you hadn’t exactly had time to hook up with people.

\- Yeah, but it’s more than that. It’s not just about sex. I’ve never even had a platonic relationship with a guy before and on top of that, I was only with Ginny for a couple of weeks and that was more like a friendship then anything. We kissed seriously only once.

\- Oh, okay.

\- What do you mean? Are you going to end this right now? I’ll understand that, I mean it would be logical if you didn’t want to…

\- What are you talking about? What do I care about if you had a serious relationship before or not? I told you, I have feelings for you and that’s all that matters to me. Of course, I’ll have to take it into consideration, but we’ll go as slow as you’ll be comfortable with. I’ll wait for you, I promise.

***

Since everyone was looking at them suspiciously as soon as they stepped out the common room 15 minutes later, Harry and Draco figured it’s no use trying to hide they were together. Draco took Harry’s hand in his own and they confidently marched down into the dungeons for potions. Even though they both felt safe together, they decided that they’re going to stick to their original potions’ partners for now, so Harry was working with Neville, while Draco sat with Pansy on the other side of a narrow space between the tables.

As soon as Harry took his place, Neville looked at him slightly confused.

\- Oh, I thought you were going to work with Draco now that… - Neville didn’t finish that thought obviously abashed.

\- Did you want me to? – Harry didn’t know what to make of it. Neville didn’t show any hostility towards them so far, but Harry wasn’t sure what went on behind the closed doors of his and Ron’s room. – Well, for now we’ll have to work together, but if you’re uncomfortable I’ll work with someone else next time.

\- No, I like working with you. I was just scared I won’t have anybody to work with. Pansy scares me, I’d rather avoid her.

\- It’s cool Neville, thank you. I thought for a moment that maybe you were siding with Ron on this one, I’m sorry I assumed.

\- No, Ron’s just being stupid. So what if you’re gay? I don’t care. My uncle is and he’s one of the funniest people I know. Of course, I’m kind of worried for you with the – Neville was visibly searching for words and Harry was starting to feel uneasy – other stuff, but that’s your choice. No one can tell you how to live your life, you know?

\- What other stuff? – Harry was desperately trying to sound calm, although by now he was starting to panic. Neville knew, so God only knows who else Ron told. This was not good, this was definitely not good.

\- I mean, I’m kind of worried for you because of your history with Mal- Draco. You were enemies for so long that it’s a little weird you’d end up like that. I’m just wondering if you’re completely sure it’s all behind you two, because if it isn’t this might not end well. But if you are, I’m happy for you.

\- I am, thank you Neville. – Harry decided not to ask what Neville really meant on the off chance that he was interpreting Neville’s speech wrong. – You’re a good friend, you know?

By now Harry’s brain was as far from potions as possible. He didn’t even read the instructions before reaching for a vile of armadillo bile to add it to the cauldron, when a firm hand on his arm stopped him. He looked to the side. Draco was keeping his arm firmly in place.

\- Stop! Do you want to blow us all up? – He sounded concerned.

\- What? What’s wrong? – Harry didn’t know what Draco was talking about.

\- The armadillo bile. If you dump it inside right now it’ll react with the murtlap tentacles and it’ll blow the whole classroom up. I swear, you’re either somewhere else right now or you spend way to much time with Finnigan and picked up some of his love for pyrotechnics…

Harry heard Ron let out an exasperated sigh from behind him.

\- So what Malfoy, now you’re an expert on all things Gryffindor? – Ron clearly wasn’t having any of it. – I swear to Merlin, if you badmouth one of my friends one more time…

\- You’ll what? Curse me? As I recall you tried to do that once before and I didn’t end well. For you obviously. Feeling in the mood for some slugs again I see? – Harry wasn’t sure how he felt about Draco’s attitude when he said those words. On one hand, Ron deserved this for all the shit he’s been giving them lately, but seeing Draco so easily snap back to his old self was unsettling.

\- That does it, Malfoy! – Ron was shouting. – You and me, after lunch, by the lake. We’ll see who’s eating slugs for dinner!

\- Ron, please, don’t. Slughorn will return any minute, you’ll get detention for challenging someone in the middle of class… - Hermione was a little too practical in this situation for Harry’s taste.

\- Yeah, Ron, knock it off. Just leave us alone. – Harry said.

\- Oh, so you have no faith in your new boytoy, do you? You’re scared he’ll lose? Oh, wait, I forgot, you’re the…

\- SHUT UP! – Harry lost all control over himself. He didn’t know how, but suddenly he was being held back by Draco and Neville, while Hermione was wrestling Ron trying to keep him behind their table. – One more word, Wesley, and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life… - he didn’t like his own tone of voice. He never threatened Ron like that, but there was nothing else he could do. All he felt was pure rage. The shock of what came out of Harry’s mouth seemed to calm Ron down just enough to keep him from struggling against Hermione.

\- Oh, I see how it’s going to be. So I’m “Wesley” now, huh? It’s a good thing you two ended up together I suppose, you’re turning out to be just as much of a pompous, self-absorbed bastard as your – he spat – boyfriend.

\- Never. Address. Him. Like. That. – Draco’s voice was cold as ice. He seemed calm, but Harry could feel his hands trembling with hatred against the school robes he was still holding Harry by.

\- And now, the knight in the shining armour appears! All bow down to Sir Malfoy of The Slime-y Gitness! The damsel is no longer in distress, all is well in the kingdom! – Ron was practically radiating mockery. Draco seemed to regain some composure.

\- Leave Harry alone. You want to fight me? Go ahead, let’s see what you’ve got. But leave Harry out of this.

\- Oh, I’ll fight you all right. Good practice for when I’ll be hunting down your friends. And as an added bonus, one less Death Eater to worry about later. – Ron was as tall as Draco, so when they were standing face to face with only a narrow table between them, neither was intimidating the other.

\- What did you just say? – Harry tried to step out from behind his boyfriend to stand next to him, but Draco’s outstretched arm stopped him.

\- Stay out of this. – Draco didn’t even look at Harry. – Listen to me, Weasel. If I were you, I’d think long and hard about saying anything else right now. You don’t want to cross me.

\- And why is that? Picked up some tricks from your guru last year? It couldn’t have been much, I mean the guy didn’t seem to be able to conjure himself a nose…

\- Don’t speak on things of which you don’t know anything, I’m warning you. – Draco was snarling by now. For a brief second Harry was scared of him.

\- Whoa, I’m scared! Can you tell how scared I am? – Ron was back to mocking Draco and Harry’s patience was wearing thin.

\- You should be. – Draco’s words came out as a whisper. It was clear everyone in the room was terrified. Harry didn’t know if he was more afraid of Draco or angry at Ron. He put his hand on Draco’s shoulder. It seemed to snap the blonde back into the room, because the next thing he did was to turn around and go back to his own table, without looking at anyone.

For the remainder of the lesson everyone was working in silence. Hermione was white as a ghost and seemed so panicked that her potion ended up looking like concrete at the bottom of her cauldron. Harry abandoned his completely – he couldn’t concentrate anyway. By the time Slughorn came back to inspect their work only Draco and Pansy have achieved a satisfying result.

***

Several hours later Harry was still uneasy. Draco’s behaviour during Potions terrified him, and the fact that after all of it went down he seemed unbothered enough to return to his cauldron like nothing happened didn’t do anything to aid the situation. They didn’t speak since that one order to stay back Draco barked at Harry back in the dungeons and now during dinner they were each sitting at their own house tables not looking at each other. Harry was jabbing his peas absentmindedly when Dean plopped down next to him.

\- Trouble in paradise already? – Harry couldn’t figure out if Dean was joking or mocking him.

\- Leave me alone please. – He was in no state to confront yet another one of his classmates.

\- Come on, I’m only asking. I’m not laughing at you. That little scene you and your boyfriend caused was intense, to say the least.

\- It was Ron’s fault. – Harry was still looking at his (completely full, despite dinner going on for 10 minutes by then) plate.

\- It was, he shouldn’t have inserted himself there. Seamus wasn’t offended by Malfoy’s comment, he actually found it funny. It wasn’t Ron’s business. But even so, what Malfoy did was way out of line. Turns out you can get out of being a Death Eater but you can’t get the Death Eater out of you.

\- What are you saying? – Harry looked up.

\- It’s obvious. Malfoy is still, and if you ask me, he will always be, what he is. He was always a bully and last year he probably became even worse. You can’t change that, not even with whatever the two of you are doing in your room.

\- It’s not like that. He changed, I know this. No, scratch that, he never was a bad person, it was just what he has been forced into. He was just trying to protect me back there.

\- Yeah, sure, you tell yourself that. And the Dark Mark is just a neat tattoo idea, right?

\- What are you getting at? Voldemort is dead, there are no Death Eaters anymore. What does it matter what’s on Draco’s arm?

\- It matters. You don’t become a Death Eater when you’re a good person. It’s not what the mark caused, it’s what led to it being there.

\- He was forced into it, you know it as well as I do.

\- No, I don’t know it. All I have to go off of is what he said during his trial and what you’re telling me now. And neither of you are exactly the most reliable source of information on that. I was at his house if you don’t remember, and he didn’t seem like he was willing to try to sabotage the operation there.

\- And yet, he saved my life when he was asked to identify me.

\- You keep convincing yourself. For all I know, he didn’t even know it was you and didn’t want to risk his boss getting angry at him.

\- He knew who I was.

\- Oh, because he told you that?

\- No, because I know.

\- Mate, I’m sorry, but you’re kidding yourself right now. I can see now you’re too far gone to reason with. – Dean stood up to leave and Harry knew this meant he lost all the support he might have had in his Gryffindor friends. He just hoped that Hermione would be an exception to that.

***

That night Harry couldn’t sleep, he needed to know if he can actually trust his boyfriend to be the person he was so convinced he was. I was nearly 6 a.m. when he finally came up with some form of plan on how to achieve it. It was no use to try and fall asleep now, so he got up, took a shower and headed towards the common room. On his way there, he bumped into Hermione.

\- Oh, Harry, hello. – She started hesitantly.

\- No, I don’t have time right now. – It came out way harsher than Harry intended it to be and he made a mental note to apologize to her later. Right now, he had to find Draco’s friends and talk to them. Luckily, they were all gathering their things from a small table by the window where they usually studied together in the evenings, preparing to head out to breakfast. – Hey, guys, I wanted to talk to you if it’s ok… - Harry was scared of their reaction, but he just had to know if Draco was telling the truth when he told Harry he was a different person now.

\- What’s up? – Zabini seemed friendly enough.

\- It’s about yesterday…

\- Oh, you mean your outburst at Weasel? For what it’s worth, we found it exceptionally amusing. – Pansy grinned at him. – Who knew a couple of days with Draco would turn you into a Slytherin?

\- Pity you didn’t get together sooner, it would have been fun! – Nott was laughing.

\- Guys, let the man talk! There’s respect to be shown for one half of our new Slytherin royal couple! – Zabini was trying not to laugh out loud.

\- No, ok, forget it. – Harry gave up. – It doesn’t matter.

\- Oh, come on, Harry. – Harry was surprised that Pansy addressed him by his first name. – We’re just joking. You’ll need to get used to that anyway, so why not start now? Come on, we’re heading to breakfast and then to the library since the first period is free. Come with us. – All three of them extended their arms welcomingly, so Harry followed them, feeling slightly better about their attitude towards him.

\- Now, what did you want to talk about? – Nott inquired.

\- It’s about Draco. – Harry sighed. – About how he addressed Ron yesterday.

\- Oh, that. That was intense, even by Draco’s standards… - all three of them nodded.

\- Yeah, that’s why I’m worried. Is he always like that? I mean, we’ve had our differences in the past, you know that, but I haven’t seen him that furious and threatening before.

\- No, he usually just sticks to being a sarcastic jerk nowadays. – Zabini said. – How he acted towards you and your friends before the war was about as severe as he would go back then, if not for the occasional scheme to set someone up for detention, but even then, there was nothing to the extent of his blowup yesterday. Especially since after last year he seemed to be more subdued.

\- Yeah. – Nott chimed in. – Don’t get us wrong, he still can be an arsehole sometimes, but that’s all in good fun between us. We like insulting each other just for the heck of it, it’s just how we act, and Draco sometimes cuts a little too deep with his insults, but it’s not malicious. He just has a very dark sense of humour, even by Slytherin standards. Anyway, it’s always just little verbal jabs at each other, and it’s only between us four, he stopped bothering other people since we came back. Sit with us? It doesn’t seem like you’re exactly welcome at the Gryffindor table right now. – Harry noticed they entered the Great Hall and all eyes were on The Chosen One accompanied by a group of Slytherins. Without his boyfriend, no least.

\- Yeah, sure, thanks guys. – Harry sat down between Nott and Zabini and grabbed a roll. Silence fell over the Great Hall. Harry could see everyone looking at them in disbelief, 8th year ex-Gryffindors shaking their heads in disgust. Hermione looked like she was slapped in the face, Dean and Seamus exchanged pointed looks and Ron was bending his fork in his fist. A couple of feet away Ginny looked like she was petrified. So Ron must’ve talked to her about everything, Harry bitterly concluded.

\- Anyway, - Zabini broke the uncomfortable silence in half-whisper – what we saw in Potions was way over what we would’ve expected from Draco. Honestly, I don’t know what to even tell you, he never acted like this, not even before the war when he was still a full-blown arsehole to everyone he didn’t like. Oh, don’t look at me like that Theo, you know he was! We all were! – He responded to Nott’s irritated look.

\- Actually, guys, I think you’re wrong… - Pansy spoke for the first time in a while. – I’ve seen him react like that once.

\- What, when? I’ve never seen it. – Zabini looked shocked.

\- Back in the 6th year, during Christmas. – Pansy was whispering so that nobody else could hear her. – I was staying with his family because my parents went to Bulgaria for vacation and I didn’t want to go. He was starting to hook up with this guy that lived nearby, I think he was our year in Ravenclaw, but I’m not sure. – Harry winced.

\- Pansy, don’t go spilling Draco’s history to his boyfriend! – Nott tried to shush her.

\- It’s ok, I know, we talked about it. – Harry was trying very hard no keep it casual next to Nott. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nott visibly shaken. – Continue on, please.

\- So, there was this guy and Draco liked him. You know how he is when he is with someone, right? – She looked at Harry expectedly. Harry knew what she meant and nodded. – And one day we all went for a walk, when this other dude, I think he was older than us, but not by much, I remember his face from Hogwarts, although I don’t know his name, came up to us and started insulting Draco’s friend. He was saying things like “oh, so that’s who you’re with now, my sister is crying because of you, I thought we were friends” etc.. And he was using really disgusting slurs. The guy Draco was with was starting to panic, he looked like he was about to cry. I don’t know how it happened but the next thing I knew the guy is backed up into a tree, Draco is completely in his face, his wand is at the guy’s throat. And Draco is like “say one more word and you’ll be begging for me to kill you, I dare you!”. It was the same tone he used on Wesley yesterday. I was never this scared of him, I really thought he was going to Crucio the guy. His eyes were all narrow and he was so tense it looked like he was going to hex him only by how furious he was. I had to physically pull him off this guy. – There were a couple seconds of silence between them. Nobody knew what to say. Finally, Nott spoke.

\- Wow… I never knew he was that protective. I mean I know he’s loyal and he’ll do anything if he cares for you, but that? I never suspected he had it in him. But, if he was so into this Ravenclaw, how come nothing came of it? Draco was with this older guy in our 6th

\- The Ravenclaw got scared as far as I know. I didn’t get much from Draco about it, but from what I gathered, he thought it was too intense for him and backed out. That’s why Draco was drinking so much then and… you know… - Nott was trying to force Pansy to drop the subject just by looking at her. Harry knew why.

\- It’s ok, Theodore, I know about you two. – Harry tried to calm him down.

\- Oh, ok. I wasn’t sure Draco told you. And call me Theo. Anyway, if we’re on the topic, I don’t know how you feel about it, but from my end I want you to know you don’t need to worry about it. It was one mistake, we never should’ve done it and it was a long time ago. – He looked somehow out of countenance. – And besides, we… - He hesitated. – We’re not compatible. We’re into different things there, if you know what I mean.

\- I’m not sure I do actually… - Harry was now just as abashed now as Nott was. – You mean you’re not gay?

\- Oh, I am. I’m just not into as heavy stuff as Draco is. – How he managed to state that so matter-of-factly, Harry had no idea.

\- Oh, I see. – Harry was looking at his half-eaten breakfast now. He suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore.

***

For the next two weeks Harry spent time exclusively with Draco and his Slytherin friends. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs avoided the group like a plague (the first time they backed out the common room when they saw Harry, Pansy, Baise, Theo and Draco sitting by the fire, Harry had a sudden flashback to the 2nd year when everyone thought he was the Heir of Slytherin), and Gryffindors were flat out accusing him of being a traitor. Saturday evening Harry overheard Ron loudly complaining to Seamus.

\- Well, now that there is only five Gryffindors in our year we’ll have to figure out how to play all over again… - Harry assumed they were talking about Quidditch. – And both Neville and Hermione are afraid of flying, so really there are only us three: you, me and Dean. And even then, nobody will play against us, Hufflepuffs have no team, Ravenclaws are lacking a keeper…

\- And the Slytherins are just as disorganized with two seekers. – Seamus laughed.

\- Did you just say something about me? – Harry stood up. He’d been trying to ignore this kind of thing for too long now, he had enough.

\- Oh, do you actually feel like you’re a Slytherin now, huh? – Ron was annoyingly amused with himself. – If you didn’t notice, we were talking about their Quidditch team, you inserted yourself in it all on your own buddy.

\- You know god damn well what you meant! And lay off us, ok? We’re not bothering you if YOU didn’t notice!

\- Ron, I think you might be right. – Seamus joined in. – See how it’s “us” now? I think the bravest Gryffindor in Hogwarts just turned into the most traitorous Slytherin!

\- Take that back right now. Nobody is a traitor here! – Zabini stood up next to Harry.

\- I beg to differ. – Seamus took one step forward. – I can clearly see one.

\- I said lay off of us! – Harry was not in the mood to back down.

\- Oh, I think you can count at least two there, Seam. – Ron and Seamus were joined by Dean. – Or at least if we’re counting more distant history than just the last two weeks.

\- What’s that supposed to mean? – Harry asked.

\- Oh, nothing, I just find it ironic that you seem to display the same propensity for switching sides as your boyfriend. Two peas in a pod, you know what I mean?

\- Don’t you dare… - Harry wasn’t sure how it was possible, but Draco was even paler than usual as he stood up addressing Dean.

\- Don’t I date what? Tell it how it is? Were you or were you not the only one here to get branded with a Dark Mark? Am I wrong? – Dean was livid by now, but it was nothing compared to what Harry saw rising inside Draco.

\- Drop it Dean. – Harry knew better than to let the situation escalate.

\- No, I won’t. You’re in no position to tell me what to do. – Harry thought he saw Ron chuckle bitterly behind Dean’s back. – You’re both the same sort. No wonder you ended up whatever you two are. And to think I would’ve never imagined you of all people ending up with a Death Eater! Tell me, Potter, how does it feel to look at that thing on him every night when you know what his lot did? Or is it actually a turn on for you? You like looking at it? That what gets you off faster?

Draco didn’t think. He just saw Harry’s face go blank after what Thomas said and all rationality flew out of him in an instant. He couldn’t bear his boyfriend being spoken to like that. It wasn’t even important that Thomas was talking about one thing Draco loathed and wished he could rip off of himself, all that mattered in that moment was that he needed to stop that bloody piece of garbage from hurting Harry anymore. He vaguely registered Pansy screaming “Draco, don’t!” and just like that, he was on top of Thomas, his right knee at his throat, keeping the Gryffindor firmly on the floor of the common room. Draco reached for his wand and pointed it at Thomas’ face.

\- I dare you, you fucking scum, say one more word and you’ll regret the day you were born. – Not using any of the Unforgivable Curses right then and there was the most difficult task Draco faced in his life. Over the wrath he didn’t even notice that nobody moved a muscle, everyone was too shocked to break the fight apart. – I fucking dare you, say something else… SAY IT! – He was screaming, but it didn’t matter.

\- Get… off… me… - Thomas was struggling to catch air.

\- You’re not so brave now, huh? – Draco was completely blinded by fury now. – Scared for your pathetic life? You should be. You want to talk to Harry like that? You want to know how it is to be with someone with a Dark Mark? I can show you right now… - It was like everything was in slow motion. He could feel all his anger collecting at the tips of his fingers, starting to form itself into a curse in his wand, when suddenly he felt someone twist his wrist from behind him. He turned around. Zabini was standing in front of him, panting, with Draco’s wand in his hand.

\- Enough, Draco. This time you went too far. – He whispered. – Come on, we’re going.

Without a word Nott, Pansy and Harry followed them out of the common room.

\- What the hell was that?! – Zabini exploded once the doors were locked and protective and silencing charms were in place.

\- I… I don’t know. – Draco’s previous rage evaporated and he was left feeling ashamed and terrified for what he did. He knew very well that if it wasn’t for his friend, Dean Thomas would be lying dead on the common room floor by now. – I didn’t think. It just came over me. It couldn’t stand… - He looked at Harry, who was sitting opposite him with an unreadable expression. – I couldn’t handle the way he was speaking to Harry.

\- But that much? Draco, you wanted to kill him! – Pansy was visibly panicked.

\- I know, Pans, I know. I have no idea what came over me, you know I don’t explode like that.

\- Draco, we all know how you feel about what Thomas was talking about. But that’s no reason to kill someone… – Nott was hesitant.

\- It’s not that he was talking about… about that thing. It’s really not. I couldn’t care less if he was insulting me to my face about my past, I can handle that. It was the way he worded it, the way he directed it at Harry. – He looked at his boyfriend. – Harry, I’m sorry. I never meant for it to go that far, I just saw how he made you feel and I lost it. I can’t handle someone hurting you like that. I’m so sorry… I know you think I’m a monster right now, but I swear, that’s not me… - His eyes were starting to water, he couldn’t control the lump in his throat anymore. He knew what he did must mean loosing Harry and he couldn’t bear the thought of that.

Harry didn’t know what to think. He just knew he had to talk to his boyfriend in private. Without a word he stood up, took Draco’s hand and led him into their bedroom.

They talked for hours that night, Draco crying and trying to convince Harry that he really loved him, that he never wanted anybody to get hurt. It was almost sunrise when he managed to fall asleep, still not knowing if Harry believed him that he was ashamed of himself and terrified of his recent actions.

Harry, on the other hand, didn’t get any sleep at all. He was trying to wrap his brain around the events of the past few days. All the love he still felt for Draco told him he should believe what he was told, but the logical part of him wasn’t sure about it. He decided to wait and see if there were going to be any more situations like that before making up his mind on whether he wanted this relationship to continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one is a little longer than the previous ones, but I couldn't figure out what to cut, it's all going to be important later.  
> And I'm sorry, but I just couldn't resist writing a little jab about You-Know-Who's nose, all the memes are too funny to just leave it out :D
> 
> Fair warning: Next chapter is mainly my poor attempts at describing sex (Turns out, it's way more difficult than I thought!). I'll try to post it later today :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so here it is (*nervous*). I tried to avoid it being cringy as much as possible, but I don't know how well that turned out.
> 
> Fair warning: It turns kind of violent towards the end (depending on how you look at it).

**Chapter 7**

Weeks went by. Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were still ignoring Harry and his new group of friends like before, but what changed was that now Gryffindors seemed to be scared of them. Harry didn’t blame them. If he was in their position, what happened between him, Draco and Dean would be more than enough to keep his distance. But he talked to Draco and he believed him when he said he was sorry for what he did. Maybe it was naivety on his part, maybe it was love, Harry didn’t know. But the more time went by, the more Harry was sure Draco would not do that again and the fact that nobody was willing to do anything that would provoke another outburst of fury only helped.

With his mind mostly at ease about this, Harry started to think more and more about the physical aspect of his relationship with Draco. He knew Draco said they were going to take things slowly and Harry was grateful for it, but some part of him was starting to wonder if Draco wouldn’t loose interest in him. After all, it was December, they’ve been together for three months now, and so far they’ve only gone as far as kissing. He was mauling this over for a couple of days before deciding he needed to broach the subject himself – he figured Draco was probably waiting for him to do that. So one Friday evening, two weeks before Christmas, Harry decided to take action.

They were lying in bed, reading. Harry looked at Draco stretched out on his back next to him, one arm folded under his head, causing his black t-shirt to ride up, revealing a stripe of skin at the bottom of his stomach. His muggle sweatpants (Harry mentally thanked himself for introducing Draco to those) were just barely covering his hipbones. Harry turned to the side, his book now on the bed between them. He read a couple more lines before reaching out and running his hand across Draco’s exposed skin. The blonde looked at him slightly shocked, raising his eyebrows.

\- Hm? – Harry didn’t know what Draco’s reaction was supposed to mean.

\- I wanted to touch you. You don’t like it? – Suddenly, Harry felt really stupid.

\- No, I like it, but why?

\- No reason. – There was no way Draco would believe that lie.

\- Baby, come on. Tell me.

\- Uh, okay… - Harry sighed. – It’s just that… We’ve been together for some time now, and I know you are willing to wait for me, but… - He didn’t know how to put it without causing a problem. – But I thought you might loose interest, so I acted.

\- Loose interest? In you? – Draco looked like he wasn’t believing what he was hearing. – Love, I could never loose interest in you. I just don’t want you to feel rushed. I’ve wanted you all this time and I will want you, even if it means waiting months. Don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself.

\- “Take care”? – Harry desperately hoped Draco meant the better one of to things that just popped into his head. The solo version.

\- Why do you think I always take this long to get out of the shower, silly? – Draco laughed and Harry felt enormous relief washing over him.

\- You… you think about me? – He couldn’t help the redness rising to his cheeks.

\- Of course I do. You’re the most beautiful person I know. You don’t need to concern yourself with my needs, baby, take all the time you need.

\- Actually… - Harry hesitated. – It’s not all there is to it. I mean, of course I don’t want to make you wait too long, but aside from that, I came to a conclusion that I want this for myself.

\- You did? Are you sure? – There was something in Draco’s expression Harry couldn’t decipher.

\- I am. Completely. I love you, you know. – He leaned in to kiss Draco and moved his hand down, below the waistband of Draco’s sweats.

\- No. – Draco was suddenly very firm. He caught Harry’s wrist not even an inch away from his cock. – Don’t.

\- But-but why? – Harry was shaken. He looked up at his boyfriend only to find him with a determined and rather cold expression. His heart sank.

\- We’ll get to that. – Draco realized he was too harsh, so he tried to soften his tone. It wasn’t easy for him to not be so icy in bed with someone, he wasn’t used to it. – There will be plenty of time for it baby. For now, let me take care of you. Do you want that?

\- I… - Harry’s mind was swirling. He would be lying if he said the thought of Draco touching him didn’t occur to him, rising some very pleasant feelings, but he wasn’t sure what to expect. Nevertheless, he went into this relationship trusting Draco, so he decided to go for it. – I do.

\- Are you sure? You can stop me any time. I will not force you to do anything that doesn’t feel good to you.

\- I’m sure.

\- Okay now, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Try and relax. I’m going to go slowly, ok? – Harry nodded and closed his eyes. He was tense, but it wasn’t entirely unpleasant.

Harry felt Draco kissing him slowly and gently, moving his hands down Harry’s body. He hardened at the anticipation. His breath hitched when he felt Draco’s fingers stroking him through his trousers. He bit his lower lip. Draco’s hand slowly moved inside his pants, his fingers delicately brushing his length. Harry let out a small moan. Draco curled his fingers around him.

\- God, you’re massive… - He breathed into Harry’s ear. – You’ll feel so good in me one day…

\- Please… - By now, Harry was reduced to incoherent moans and that was the most verbal response he could manage. All he could think of was the sensation of his boyfriend’s fist moving along his swollen cock. He felt he was a minute away from exploding.

\- You want more baby? Just say it. – Draco couldn’t restrain himself from sprinkling a little of his order-giving into it.

\- Draco, please… please…

\- Please what, baby? You want me to go faster? You’ll come too soon baby, I won’t have a chance to do other things to you… - all Harry could manage in response was a whimper.

Suddenly, Draco’s hand was gone. Harry tried to sit up and protest, but he was pushed back down.

\- Stay. – It sounded like an emotionless instruction, but Harry knew Draco only wanted him to feel good. – I want to know how you taste baby.

Draco knew he couldn’t slip completely into his dominant self just yet, Harry wasn’t ready. But the thought of wrapping his lips around his boyfriend’s erection and looking at him writhing around begging for it was too much for him to fight it. He’d been starved for months now, all he had to go off of was his fantasies of Harry cumming down his throat that he only let himself let in the shower, he couldn’t resist any longer. He pulled Harry’s pants down. Good God, that cock was big. One of the biggest ones he had in his life. He briefly wondered what would feel better – having Harry inside of him or the other way around. He smiled to himself – he was quite lucky he liked being the bottom as much as the top. It let him experiment with all different kinds of partners. He ran his tongue along the Gryffindor’s erection before flicking it across the head. Harry groaned.

\- You like that baby? – For Draco, the only thing better than sex itself was hearing the other person tell him they loved what he did to them.

\- God, yes, please, more…

\- Beg for it. – He shouldn’t do it, he really shouldn’t, but lust was taking over him rapidly.

\- Draco… Please… I’m… Begging… Please…

\- Not enough.

\- Draco, I can’t… Anymore… Please… I need you…

That was all Draco needed to hear. He was hard himself, harder than he has been since they’ve been together. The sight of Potter desperately trying to prevent himself from finishing was enough to send Draco’s head into a tailspin. He bowed down and took all of his boyfriend into his mouth. That was all it took for Harry to explode. He came, in violent outbursts, practically screaming, in Draco’s mouth. Merlin, if it wasn’t the hottest sight Draco’s ever seen, he didn’t know what was.

Draco climbed up, wrapping Harry in his arms. Harry was shaking and panting. It was clear he hasn’t come like that ever before.

\- How are you feeling? Talk to me. – Now that Draco’s lust has subsided (even though he was still hard, almost painfully so) he could focus on what Harry felt.

\- Good… - It was clear Harry still had trouble coming back to reality. – Amazing… I’m sorry… - It made absolutely zero sense to Draco why his boyfriend would apologize after what they just did.

\- Sorry for what baby?

\- I’m sorry… I came… so fast… - It was still difficult to figure out what Harry was saying through the laboured breathing.

\- Baby, don’t be. – Draco smiled. So Harry was embarrassed about finishing so quickly. It was somehow endearing. – It’s a compliment for me.

\- It is?

\- Of course. If you took hours our first time together, I’d think I wasn’t good enough for you.

\- You can’t be not good enough for me, Draco. You’re amazing… - Harry was slowly coming back to their bed.

\- Glad to hear it.

\- But you… - Harry looked down at Draco’s throbbing erection.

\- Don’t worry about it. The night is young. You can repay me after you’ve composed yourself. – He pulled the Gryffindor close to him. They kissed for what felt like an eternity before Harry pulled back and looked at Draco hesitantly.

\- What do you want me to do?

\- Love, in all honesty, I think I went a little too much into the direction of me telling you what to do for now. Tell me what you want to do now. – Draco had to come up with something to mask what he really wanted. This night was about Harry getting used to the idea of them having sex, there was no need to force his fantasies on him just yet.

\- I… - Harry was flustered. – I don’t know.

\- Say what, why don’t you take me the same way I took you and then we’ll think about having some more fun if you’re up for it? – Draco had to concentrate all his energy on not shoving his boyfriend’s face into the pillow and fucking him into the mattress.

Draco closed his eyes. He felt Harry’s trembling hands pull down his sweatpants and stroking his length hesitantly.

\- Good, baby, so good… now just take me… I won’t last long…

He felt Harry’s breath on his cock and knew it was only a matter of seconds before he came. He could hold off longer if he really tried, but somehow (most likely instinctively, because all of his ability to use logic and reasoning was gone the moment his boyfriend touched him) he knew it was better not to. He felt Harry’s tongue on him, running up his length mimicking what Draco himself did earlier, and moaned. This seemed to encourage the Gryffindor, because Draco felt his whole cock being swallowed. Harry chocked the moment Draco felt his erection hit the back of his throat. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but this was precisely what got Draco off. He loved the sensation of choking his partners with his dick. He felt his orgasm getting closer and closer and when he saw Harry’s head go back down for more, all he could do was succumb to the waves of pleasure that overtook him. It was the best orgasm he had in months, certainly way better than anything he could ever achieve on his own. His brain went into overdrive, he was hypersensitive to every touch, every sound, every sensation. He pulled Harry back up towards him, looking in his eyes. Potter seemed content with himself, and justly so – after all, he just gave Draco the finish of the year.

\- How are you feeling, sweetheart? – Draco asked, slowly drifting back down to Earth.

\- Awesome, amazing, unbelievable. – Harry smiled.

\- So, I gather, you feel better performing than being performed on? – Draco was slightly amused with his boyfriend’s enthusiasm.

\- Well, on you, certainly. You taste incredible, Draco.

\- Good to know. – Draco smiled. – We both need some time to rest though, but if you want any more fun tonight, I’ll be up for it later.

They cuddled for a while and then got up to take a shower together. To both of them it seemed more intimate than just casting a cleaning spell. No, a cleaning spell sounded like something you would do after a one night stand, in a relationship a shower seemed more appropriate.

It was under the stream of hot water they really had a chance to look at each other naked for the first time and Harry instantly understood why he was coming up with all the references to Draco’s arse back in September. It looked remarkable. Harry couldn’t resist pressing his chest to his boyfriend’s back and running his hands down to his full cheeks.

\- You look like a Greek God, you know that? – He whispered into Draco’s ear.

\- I have no idea what it means baby, but I like the sound of it. – Draco chuckled.

\- It means you’re ideal. No one can even come close to you. – Harry was placing small kisses on his neck as he spoke.

Draco turned around. He couldn’t get enough of the Gryffindor’s body. Harry was shorter than him by a good couple of inches, much more muscular and his skin was not as smooth as Draco’s – where the blonde’s body was covered by what seemed to be endless stretches of finest ivory silk, Harry’s chest and arms were covered in countless cuts and battle scars. Draco took the sight in, running his fingers along some of the biggest scars, biting his lower lip.

\- I can’t wait to run my tongue along those, you know? – He was sure the lust was clearly visible in his eyes, but he didn’t care. Harry deserved to know just how much of an effect he had on him.

\- You don’t mind those?

\- Baby, how could I? It’s all evidence of how amazing you are. And now you’re mine, all mine, and I get to be the only one to cherish these marks? – Suddenly, at the mention of marks, he looked down. His Dark Mark was clearly visible against his pale forearm, the only thing he hated about his own body. He thought he’d gladly let himself be slashed multiple times, ruining the perfection of the rest of his skin he appreciated so much, if only that would erase this hideous testament of his past. He bowed his head and tried to hide his left arm behind his back. There was no need for Harry to have to look at it, he was enough that Draco had to each morning, when he carefully wrapped his forearm in a muggle bandage to hide it.

\- Draco, don’t do it. – Harry reached out and pulled the arm towards him. – I love you, I love all of you, even this. – He raised Draco’s arm to his lips and placed a kiss on the mark. – We all have a past. It’s all behind you. You never wanted this, I know it. It only shows what you’ve been through, what made you the person you are now.

\- But… - Draco didn’t know what to say. He never thought of the skull that branded him for the rest of his life that way.

\- No buts. If I wasn’t ok with it, I wouldn’t think of all the things I want you to do to me right now, you know? – Harry smiled. Draco loosened instantly. So his boyfriend really didn’t mind the mark.

\- And what might those things be, baby? – He pulled Harry closer.

\- Uhm… - Harry hesitated. It was clear he was embarrassed about his fantasies. – I think… Well, I know… I want to go all the way with you. – That last part came out in one breath, like Harry was scared of what he was saying.

\- Love, I want it too, but… - Draco sighed. He knew what he had to say, but it wasn’t easy. He had been picturing fucking him even before they got together, so it took all his willpower not to do it right then and there. But he knew Harry was far from ready for it just yet, he knew he would hurt him and possibly scar him for life doing this right now. If it was anybody else, what he heard would be all the consent he needed, but he didn’t want to do it to Harry, not to him. – We can’t do it right now. You’re a virgin, you aren’t ready for this yet. It takes time to prepare.

\- Then let’s start now. – Harry seemed determined.

\- Are you completely sure? It might be uncomfortable at first, it might even hurt, and you’ve had a lot of firsts tonight.

\- I am. I wanted this for quite some time now.

Draco turned Harry around and dropped to his knees. He didn’t have any sort of plan on how to approach this, he didn’t think Harry would want to do it that soon, especially after all they’ve done already, and he was never very good at readying his partners for sex, he was far too greedy and impatient for it. He decided to try and figure it out as they went along – his hope was Harry would give him some indication as to how far he was willing to go tonight. He closed his eyes and ran his tongue along his boyfriend’s split. He heard Harry moan and mutter “fuck” under his breath. He just started circling Harry’s hole with his tongue when another moan reached his ears.

\- God… more… - Harry was quickly losing his composure.

\- Tell me what you want, baby, just tell me.

\- You… more… inside… - it was almost indistinguishable between moans. Draco slipped his tongue inside, hardening rapidly. He knew that if they went on like that, with Harry begging him for more, he wouldn’t be able to control himself. He tried to shake it off, but the lust and greed was building in him too fast. Draco just hoped Harry would finish before he reached the point when he couldn’t stop himself.

\- Like that, baby?

\- God… yes… I can’t… - Harry slammed his fist into the shower wall. God, that sight was irresistible. – Fuck… fuck… Draco… please… more…

That was it. All the hunger that was building in him for the last couple of months overtook Draco. There was no going back now, he couldn’t even think. He stood up, pressed his whole body to Harry’s and slid his hand down.

\- You want more…? – He snarled in Harry’s ear. – You want me to touch you…?

\- God… Draco… yes… please… I can’t… without you…

\- Oh, you beg so good… - By now he was completely cold and dominant, like he often was. He felt adrenaline rush through his veins when he pressed one finger inside his boyfriend. He vaguely registered small drops of precome on himself when he heard Harry’s breath hitch. But he knew he needed more, he needed to hear animal-like moans. Without thinking, he slipped the second finger in. Oh yes, this was the moaning he needed.

He saw Harry drop one of his arms down, reaching for his own cock. Draco reacted on instinct, he grabbed the wrist and pulled Harry’s hand back up, locking it above his head. – _Don’t you dare touch yourself… You belong to me now…_ \- Draco didn’t even register how frightening he sounded. – _You…_ \- he pushed his fingers deeper – _don’t…_ \- took them out – _come…_ \- pushed them back again – _until…_ \- took them out again – _I let you!_ – The last part of this sentence came out in a low growl as Draco added the third finger without warning. Harry screamed and this was what pushed Draco over the edge. His vision went completely white for a second as he exploded.

It took Draco nearly a minute to come back to his senses. The high of the orgasm was so intense that he didn’t see or hear anything until it subsided. But once it did and Draco started registering his surroundings again, his heart sank. He knew in an instant he went too far. Harry was still facing away from him, but by now his arms were dropped to his sides and his head was resting on the tiled wall. He was shaking. Draco knew all too well that it wasn’t a good sign. He tried wrapping his boyfriend in his arms, whispering “Oh God, baby, I’m so sorry, I never should’ve… Oh God, please, baby, forgive me… Please…” but Harry only tensed at the contact. Draco felt like a monster. He knew he fucked it all up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to warn you again: More violence coming your way. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wasn't planning on it to go that route, but it just happenned, I just can't make this story easy and fluffy right now (*hides*). But we're getting there, there is a chance for some fluff later on (if I don't change my mind again, that is).

**Chapter 8**

Harry was hurting, both physically and mentally. What happened in the shower could’ve easily been considered completely Draco’s fault, but Harry felt like he was equally to blame for it as his boyfriend was. He should’ve told Draco to slow down, that they were going too fast for him. At this point, he wasn’t even sure if he initiated moving past blowjobs because he really wanted it for himself, or because that was what he thought Draco wanted. Harry shook his head. He was torn between completely blaming himself for the whole situation, like he deceived his boyfriend to gain something (although he really didn’t know what) and being afraid of him after what happened. It didn’t help that his brain decided (completely on its own accord) to replay Nott’s words from the Great Hall. “I’m just not into as heavy stuff as Draco is… I’m just not into as heavy stuff as Draco is… I’m just not into as heavy stuff as Draco is…” – If that was what their first time together has led to, Merlin knows what Nott really meant by “heavy stuff”. Was Draco lying when he said he wasn’t a violent person? And if he was telling the truth and he wouldn’t consciously want to hurt anybody (somehow Harry managed to push the other option out of his mind, for now) was this a testament to the possibility that he had problems controlling himself? It was one thing to deal with his outbursts when they were caused by anger, like they were with Ron and Dean, but it was completely different when it was with Harry, whom Draco was supposed to love and take care of. And exactly how far would that aggression go? Harry registered bitterly that it was obvious that Draco wasn’t above killing someone when blinding fury overtook him, what he did to Dean proved that, but what if lust had the same effect? He was too afraid to think about it. God, how he wished he had someone to talk this over with! But he was alone in this – he knew the Slytherins weren’t the ones to go to with this sort of dilemma and for now he didn’t really want to confront Draco, not before he made up his mind at least on what it was he was feeling exactly. He desperately needed Hermione now – he knew she would be the only one that could help him and that he could trust her completely. But now, even she wasn’t speaking to him.

In the common room, Draco was battling similar thoughts. By now he was completely sure that he was to blame not only for how Harry’s first time ended, but for the two of them even going there in the first place. He should’ve said no when Harry told him he wanted to go all the way tonight. Neither of them was ready for it, it was clear to Draco – Harry’s motivation for moving further was shaky, he could see that now clearly, and Draco let himself use it to get what he wanted for months now, even though he should’ve known better than that. It was a scary realisation that he let lust and greed overtake him like that even when he thought he was still able to control himself. Somehow, it was even worse than what he did at the end – he was well aware that he wasn’t thinking then, but those minutes earlier he was so sure he still had a cool head on his shoulders. And now it became apparent that he wasn’t thinking at all and he didn’t even realise it. He didn’t deserve Harry. He was supposed to protect him, not hurt him. And if he was the one to cause him so much pain that Harry was reduced to crying from it, there was no hope for the two of them. No, he needed to take a step back – however much he wanted Harry close to him, above all he wanted his boyfriend to be safe and happy, and he wasn’t the one to make that happen. Harry has already had enough monsters in his life, he didn’t need another one. Draco threw his head back, trying to control the tears. The thought he was better than that, he thought he would be able to break out of the circle of violence he’s been a part of ever since he could remember. And now it was obvious that he couldn’t do it even for the one person he loved above everyone else, the only one he would kill for. He smirked bitterly. “Kill for” – yeah, he should’ve known weeks ago, when he attacked Thomas. That was when he should’ve stepped away. He should’ve realised that his actions then proved he really was what everyone around him took him for, and backed out then. He would’ve had his heart broken, but Harry wouldn’t have been hurt like that. But no, he was too much of a self-absorbed coward to do that. Once again, he put his needs above Harry’s when he should’ve done the exact opposite.

***

Harry and Draco didn’t talk for the next couple of days, each one lost in their own thoughts. Draco was too afraid to tell Harry what conclusion he reached sitting in the common room (once again, behaving like a bloody coward, he thought glumly) and Harry was too busy trying to figure out what it was he was thinking really. He didn’t accomplish much by Tuesday evening, when Draco stood in the doorway looking at him worriedly.

\- Harry, baby, I think we need to talk… - his voice was so quiet it was barely audible.

\- I… I don’t know what to tell you, Draco… I don’t even know what I’m thinking right now…

\- Maybe it’s easier that way. I’ve done a lot of self-reflection this past few days and I want you to know I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you, it never should’ve happened. It was inexcusable, I swore I’m going to protect you and I hurt you. I was only thinking about myself that day, I realize that now. – Draco was crying. – I should’ve known it wasn’t true what I told you when I said I’m not violent. I am. It just comes out when I’m not controlling myself so I never saw it. I should’ve, after what I did to your friends, but I didn’t. I was kidding myself when I thought it was only because I was angry, I should’ve predicted that it would come out because of other things too. Because of how much I wanted you. I know you’ll probably never forgive me, but all I can do now is try to make you understand how much I hate myself right now. I have never felt this worthless. And I’m not worthy of you…

\- Draco, what are you saying? – Harry didn’t even see his tears coming. – God, Draco, please, don’t tell me you’re about to say what I think you’re about to say… Please, don’t do it… We can work things out, we now know what we’re up against…

\- No, Harry, we can’t. You know as well as I do this will happen again. I cannot control myself around you and I’m going to end up hurting you again. Harry, baby, love… I’m sorry, so sorry, but we can’t do this. I love you too much to risk hurting you like that again. You deserve to be safe, I swore to do it, and I failed.

\- You’re breaking up with me because you LOVE ME? That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard! – Harry knew from the moment Draco first spoke that this was what the conversation was going to be, but that didn’t stop the anger. He was too exhausted to fight it. – You can’t do this to me right now! It makes no sense!

\- It does. Trust me, it’s not easy for me. I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you and walking away is the most difficult decision I had to make in my life. But it’s the only way.

\- Don’t… Please, don’t…

\- We both know I have to. I’ll talk to McGonagall, try to figure out the living situation so you don’t have to spend time with me. – And just like that, it was all over. Harry couldn’t even cry anymore, he was just staring blankly at the door Draco shut behind him.

***

The whole 8th year was wondering what was going on with Potter and Malfoy. It was Friday by now, and Potter was nowhere to be found since Wednesday morning – nobody has seen him in classes or the Great Hall and the door to his room was permanently shut. Malfoy didn’t seem like he was doing well either – he was sitting in the back staring blankly at the wall during every lesson, seemingly oblivious to the world around him. Even while being yelled at by McGonagall for failing to turn in his essay on safety procedures in human transfiguration, he didn’t react.

It was night time already when the door to Hermione’s and Pansy’s room opened with a loud bang.

\- Well, there you go, Hermione, I tried to talk to him like you said and I can’t even get through the door. – Ron Wesley was visibly angry at his girlfriend.

\- What do you mean “you couldn’t get through the door”? – Hermione sat up.

\- I couldn’t. It’s impenetrable. It won’t open, it doesn’t make any sound when you knock and if you try and yell through, everything you say bounces back and hits you in the face. It hurts, you know?

\- Have you tried lifting the charms?

\- I’m not stupid! – Ron was yelling at her. – Of course I tried it! I don’t know what the bloody hell he casted there, but I don’t know how to break through! Just as well if you ask me, I don’t have any desire to talk to him. Not after everything that’s happened.

\- RON! – Hermione couldn’t believe what she was hearing. – He’s your best friend! And something clearly happened! He’s alone right now, someone needs to talk to him before he does something to himself!

\- He WAS my best friend. Until he started hanging around that wanker! Didn’t you see what they did to Dean? What his BOYFRIEND – Ron twisted his face at the mention. – Did to Dean?!

\- They’re not together anymore. – Pansy closed the book she was reading. – I don’t know what happened, but Draco is completely broken, so I figure it must have been something major. He’s been drinking again.

\- And what do I care? – Ron looked at her in disbelief. – That’s not my problem. He could fling himself off of the Astronomy Tower for all I care.

\- RON! – Hermione was shocked. – You can’t say that! Obviously something happened, they’re both distraught and someone needs to do something before it’s too late! Are you sure you have tried everything?

\- I tried everything I know, there must be something we haven’t used last year. Again, good enough for me, I have no desire to go back there.

\- Fine, if you’re not willing to reach out to him, I will. – Hermione stood up, determined. – I just need to figure out what he might have used that we won’t think of.

\- Try to lift _Fianto Duri_. – Pansy said hesitantly. – I know Draco used it, maybe he taught Harry that one.

\- Thanks Pansy. – Hermione sent her a small smile and walked out. Ron shook his head and followed her.

***

That same night, Draco was sitting on the floor between Nott’s and Zabini’s beds. Zabini was spending the night in the Hospital Wing having a broken arm mended after Neville’s mis-cast spell tipped over a cabinet in Charms class and it landed on Zabini.

\- You need to get out of this rut you’ve been in, Draco. – Nott said, handing his friend a bottle of Firewhisky.

\- Easy for you to say, you didn’t just loose the love of your life. – Draco was slurring. They were both drunk, it was already their third bottle of alcohol that night.

\- What happened between you two anyway?

\- Can’t tell you. We just need to be as far away from each other as possible.

\- Come on, you can tell me. We’ve been friends forever, if you can’t tell me stuff, who are you going to turn to?

\- I need to deal with this alone. If you knew what happened, you’d never speak to me again.

\- And you telling me that is going to have a different effect? – Nott raised his eyebrows.

\- I don’t know. All I know is I shouldn’t even be at Hogwarts right now after what I did.

\- Jesus, what the fuck did you do?!

\- Told you, you can’t know. Point is, I behaved like a monster and I had to step back not to do it again, because I’m apparently completely unable co control myself. And now I’m here with you, Harry is alone for all I know, and I don’t know how to go on from here.

\- So you’re the one that ended it? From the way you’ve been acting I thought you’ve been dumped.

\- No, I haven’t been. Harry didn’t even want for us to break up, but it had to be done.

\- Can’t you just talk it over? It seems like you both want to still be together.

\- We do. But we can’t. I need to find some way to deal with this before I do something even more stupid… - Draco looked up. It was obvious he was at his wits’ end. He gave Nott a long look. – Fuck me, Theo. Fuck me till I can’t take it anymore.

\- What the bloody fuck are you… - Nott was shocked. He didn’t have a chance to finish his question because Draco’s lips were suddenly on his own and all logic went out the window. Alcohol took over and seconds later they were both naked, Nott on top of Draco, pushing one finger inside him.

\- No, Theo. Don’t. Make it hurt. – Draco knew deep down he deserved the same pain he caused Harry, he wanted to feel it.

It felt like he was being ripped apart. He didn’t know if there was no time for lubrication spells or if Nott decided to oblige his pleading for pain, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was his hands were bound above his head, Theodore’s hand was on the back of his neck keeping him in place and he was on his stomach, being stretched by his friend’s thick cock beyond what he ever felt before. It hurt so much he was seeing white and every muscle in his body was trying to make him get up and run, against what his drunk brain was telling him: “You’re getting what you deserve, you’ve earned this, you’re a monster and this is how you should be treated…”. He didn’t know if he was being pounded for seconds or hours, he completely lost track of time, he nearly blacked out from pain. At some point there might have been tears, but it made no difference to him. All his focus was on trying to keep breathing, but it seemed like an impossible task. He didn’t know where he was or who he was with anymore. He barely heard what the person said.

\- Stop fucking fighting it, you wanted this! Stop wrestling or I make it hurt more!

\- Please… God… Please… - he didn’t know what he was pleading for, for the person to stop hurting him or to hurt him even more.

For a second everything went completely dark as Draco felt a searing pain tearing along his spine. He didn’t know where it came from or what was it, it was like nothing he could even imagine. He didn’t know if he came right then and there when he screamed just as he felt whoever was fucking him came inside of him.

In the common room, three ex-Gryffindors sitting by the fire were suddenly torn out of their conversation by an agonizing scream that came from behind Zabini’s and Nott’s bedroom. They looked up just as a deafening, wailing “HAAAAARRYYYYY!!!” tore through the night air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you go. Yet another violent smut, because apparently I'm utterly unable to write a sane and safe sex scene (I'm trying though! For later, that is).


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

\- What the bloody fuck was that? – The door to Dean’s and Seamus’ room opened and the two ex-Gryffindors ran into the common room. It was clear that every 8th year heard the scream, but somehow only the two of them came to investigate. Gryffindor bravery can be a bad thing, Harry concluded. He didn’t particularly want to be seen sitting there with Ron and Hermione while it was obvious someone (if he was being honest with himself, he’d admit that it was rather apparent who) was screaming his name during sex. – And what the fuck is Potter doing here? With you two?! From what we’ve just been treated to, you’d think he was balls deep in his psychopathic boyfriend right now!

\- They’re not together. – Hermione said quietly.

\- Well, that’s rather obvious given what we’ve just heard, isn’t it? – Seamus looked like he was quickly starting to regret coming into the common room.

\- How do you even know it’s Draco? – Harry was desperately hoping everyone would just stop being so sure they know what they’ve heard.

\- We’re not idiots, Potter. What the bloody fuck is going on anyway? If you’re here than what was that? – Dean looked just as confused as Seamus did.

\- I don’t know. Draco and I split, this is why I’m sitting here with Ron and Hermione talking. That’s all I can tell you. I have no idea who’s up there.

\- You know. – Pansy’s voice was like a knife in the silence that followed Harry’s statement. She was now standing next to Seamus and Dean with a determined expression. – We both know who’s in there with Draco. And you should know what that means.

\- No, I don’t know who’s there and I don’t know what it means. – Harry wasn’t even convincing himself, so convincing Pansy was out of the question.

\- Stop being stupid. – Pansy was getting angry. – You know whose room that is, you know what happened in Charms and you know the history. It’s obvious what happened and if you had half a brain cell you’d know why it did.

\- No, I wouldn’t! What the fuck do I know anymore?! I haven’t done anything!

\- YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING?! God, and I thought you two were going to be good for each other! You dumped Draco, he’s worse than ever, I haven’t seen him sober for days, and now he does THIS and you’re telling me you haven’t done anything?! How much of a thick, self-centred arsehole are you?!

\- Pansy, it’s not his fault. – Through Pansy’s screaming nobody heard Draco and Nott come into the room. Harry saw instantly how much of a bad state Draco was in. Both his face and eyes were red, like he had been crying for quite some time now, and he was even skinnier than usual, his sweatpants nearly falling off of him. The skin on his chest acquired a grey tinge and his stomach looked like he hasn’t eaten for days. – I was the one to break it off.

\- But… but why? What happened? – Pansy was stunned. Draco sighed and looked at Harry. It was clear there was an incredible pain in his eyes.

\- Ron and Hermione know. I had to tell someone, I couldn’t keep it in me. – Harry said quietly, not meeting his gaze. – So if you want to tell Pansy, I’m okay with it.

\- I suppose it’s fair… But not here. I’d rather not everyone know what I did. – Draco hung his head. – Can we go into your room?

\- Yeah, I think it’s the best idea.

\- Can… can we come too? I still don’t understand all of it fully. – Hermione was hesitant.

\- I’m fine with it if Draco is. Theo, if you want, you can come too. It’s only fair for both of us to have equal support through this. Draco, are you ok with them being there?

\- Yeah, I guess so. I think I owe Theo an explanation for my actions tonight. – He turned around to go into the bedroom and all of them gasped. There was a long, red gash along Draco’s spine. It would’ve looked like he was sliced with a knife if not for the fact that the edges seemed burned.

\- Draco… What is that? – Harry was stuttering. Draco on the other hand, seemed completely unbothered with basically being mutilated.

\- That? I don’t know. I didn’t do it. – He shrugged. Harry looked at Nott with a mixture of fear and disgust, but Nott didn’t meet his eyes. It was evident he regretted the whole situation.

Back in the room, all six of them crammed onto the bed. Harry and Draco were sitting side by side on the pillows while Ron, Hermione, Pansy and Nott were at the foot of the bed, facing them. Draco sighed and retold the whole story of what happened between him and Harry in the shower. When he was finished, Ron and Hermione were staring at him in disbelief while Pansy and Nott shook their heads, all colour completely gone from their faces. After what felt like eternity of silence, Nott spoke.

\- So… so this is why you wanted to be hurt?

\- Yeah, it felt like a right thing to do. That’s what something like me should be treated, right? – All of a sudden Harry had a flashback to Draco correcting him when he referred to himself as “what” instead of “who”. It all clicked into place.

\- “Someone”, not “something”, Draco. – He looked at the Slytherin with a small smile. – I didn’t know how much exactly you blamed yourself for all of this. I thought you just felt bad for hurting me with… well, at the end. I never knew you felt guilty for the whole thing. You shouldn’t. I told you I wanted this and that’s why we did this. If you forced me to do this it would be a completely different story, but you acted on what I said I wanted.

\- But I should’ve known it was too soon! – Draco’s eyes filled with tears. – I should’ve known you weren’t ready for this, I should’ve seen you weren’t doing it for the right reasons!

\- How would you know? I told you what I wanted, it was all the information you had. You had no way of knowing my intentions. I’m not sure I even knew them. It was just what felt right in that moment. And besides, if I was ever going to be ready, it was that night. I felt good, I was on a high from what we did before and if anything, waiting wouldn’t have made me more prepared for this. The only thing waiting would accomplish was getting rid of that high and then I would be less ready if that makes sense.

\- But…

\- No buts, Draco. I know what I’m talking about. I felt amazing with you. The only thing that went wrong was the end and that is something we need to figure out for the future.

\- Future? – Draco looked up confused.

\- Yes, future. It’s not going to be easy, but I won’t let you go. And you can’t make me. You can try to break up with me all you want, but I’m not having any of it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still scared, I still need to work things out in my head and frankly, your display with Theo tonight does bother me, but I’m willing to let go of all of this and start fresh. If we come up with some way to put it all behind us. Do you think we can do that?

\- I… I don’t know, Harry. I love you, I really do, but my actions ever since the beginning don’t paint a pretty picture. I don’t know if I’ll be able to change, to control all the violence that’s in me. I’ve been in this cycle for years now, you can’t just shake it off. Frankly, I don’t know if we can do this.

\- Mal… Draco. – To all their surprise, Ron cleared his throat and spoke. – I think if you both love each other and want to be together, you should at least try and work it out. Merlin knows I’m not the biggest fan of this relationship, but it seems to me that I’ve got you two wrong from the start. I thought you were planning on being a… - He hesitated. - …boss of Harry of sorts, and I really didn’t like it. You know, I didn’t trust you. I still don’t completely, not after what you’ve done. But after tonight it seems to me that I was wrong. That you both were wrong in fact. You can’t control Harry, nobody can. The git never does what he’s told and it seems you trying to break up with him was no exception.

\- OH RON! – Hermione was crying and throwing her arms around her boyfriend’s neck. – You don’t have an emotional range of a teaspoon! – Both Harry and Draco started laughing.

\- You know, Wes… Ron, there might be something to it. – Draco said, visibly loosening. – But that doesn’t give you a right to go insulting my boyfriend like that, calling him a git!

\- Boyfriend? – Harry looked at Draco hopefully. – Does this mean we’re working this out?

\- We are, baby. At least if that’s what you really want.

\- It is. – Harry smiled and leaned in. They didn’t even hear the others’ groans while they were kissing, Draco’s hands around Harry’s waist and Harry running his fingers through the blond hair. It was too sweet and intoxicating to even pay attention to their surroundings. But they had to pull apart eventually, there were still several issues to be discussed, and not all of them could wait until they were alone.

\- Well, what about me and Theo? – Draco was tensing up again.

\- I don’t know, honestly. – Harry looked down. – I’m not okay with what you two have done. You both told me I have nothing to worry about, and yet tonight proved otherwise. I can’t go on knowing that anytime we have a disagreement you may end up in his bed, you know? And not only that, but you might also return from said bed sliced in half! What is that thing on your back anyway?

\- I told you, I don’t know. It hurt like hell and that was all that mattered in the moment.

_\- Diffindo._ – Nott whispered, not looking at anyone.

\- WHAT?! – Hermione was outraged. – _Diffindo_ on a human being?! Are you out of your mind?! You NEVER use that on people! What were you even thinking?! Did you even consider that you might kill him?! And on his spine?! You’re both lucky he’s still able to walk after this!

\- Lay off him, Hermione. – Draco looked ashamed for some reason. – I asked Theo to hurt me. I asked him to not hold back, he only obliged.

\- Why would you even do that? – Hermione stopped yelling, but still looked thoroughly scandalized.

\- I needed it. I thought that after what I did to Harry it was the only way I should be treated. That it was the only way to even things out and try to move forward. That’s why I ended up in his bedroom in the first place. This whole thing, me hurting you – he looked at Harry – and loosing you was just like what happened before.

\- With that guy in 6th year? – Harry asked hesitantly.

\- I couldn’t go through it again. And this time it was even worse than then, because I was the one to hurt you, not some other arsehole. And it was physical, not verbal. So I started drinking again, just like then, to try and forget, I think. And it all led to the same pattern as before. And I ended up with Theo because I knew if there was someone who would be able to fuck me up like I wanted to, it was him. I’m sorry, Theo, I really am. I never should’ve even come to you, let alone do the rest… - He looked at his friend apologetically.

\- Wait a minute, something doesn’t add up here. – Harry was looking at Draco and Nott warily. – You say Theo was the only person that could hurt you that much, but that’s not what he told me before. He said he’s not into violence in bed. So how come you came to him?

\- I think I should be the one to explain this, actually. – Nott looked up at Draco searching for permission. When Draco nodded, he continued. – I never said I wasn’t into it, I said Draco takes it much further than I do. At least on the receiving end of things. – He sighed. – Merlin, I would’ve never thought I’d be explaining my sex life to my friend’s boyfriend, let alone with an audience, but here we go: we both like hurting people during sex. Now, don’t panic just yet, it’s not like getting fucked without lube or getting sliced up is a normal occurrence for either of us, tonight was way beyond anything I have personally ever done to another person. When I said we’re “not compatible” I meant that when Draco’s the top everything is, well, pretty normal, at least for people like us. There is some pain, because that’s what we like, but he hasn’t done anything I wouldn’t agree to or I would regret agreeing to. There wasn’t any serious or permanent damage, if you know what I mean. And I knew he wouldn’t go further without my permission. Now, when we switched, it was a whole different story. I don’t know if it was this particular situation, both those 2 years ago and tonight, or if he’s always like that, that’s for him to explain, but he wanted much more pain and, well, frankly, abuse, than I was comfortable with. Honestly, I don’t know if I should or shouldn’t be telling you this, but the only reason he ended up with only that one gash tonight, is because I forced myself to come earlier than I would’ve normally, because I could feel he wanted more than that. – Silence fell over the group. Everyone was looking at their own hands not knowing how to react. It took a couple of seconds for Draco to speak.

\- I’m not always like that. I mean, you’re right, I normally don’t go too far if I’m the top… - He hesitated. – Apart from that night with you, Harry. It was the first time I lost control like that. But anyway, how far I wanted Theo to take it is not how I normally do it. It was just that I needed the pain to pay for what I’ve done. It wasn’t even about getting off, being hurt like that was the goal, not the means to an end.

\- But how do I know this won’t happen again? – Harry was still not convinced.

\- Because I won’t do it. – Nott said determinately. – If after being almost cut in half Draco still didn’t feel like it was enough, than this is way beyond my level. And I know him well enough to be sure he wanted more.

\- You’re right Theo. – Draco sounded scared. – After I blacked out it stopped hurting so I wanted more.

\- Wait, you blacked out from pain and still wanted more? – Ron was staring at Draco like he was crazy. – Jesus, Malfoy, you’re the most masochistic person I know…

\- I don’t know. Point is, it was nothing compared to how I was feeling mentally and I wanted to match it. – Draco was determined to look at his feet on the bed while he spoke. Harry wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer.

\- I never want you to feel that way again, Draco. I can’t even imagine it. I love you, you love me, we’re supposed to be happy, not hurt like that. And we will be. – It was the cue everyone else needed to leave. After they’ve shut the door behind them, Harry and Draco were left in the darkness, falling asleep holding each other like their lives depended on it. To both of them, they actually did.

***

Life was beautiful again. The wound on Draco’s back started healing and was getting better each day and every night he was falling asleep holding the love of his life. It would be an idyll if it wasn’t for one last tinge of fear inside him – he and Harry still haven’t discussed approaching sex again. Draco knew it was better to wait for Harry to start the conversation, but he was afraid if they waited months again it would end just like last time. He was becoming much better at controlling his emotions, mainly due to a couple of handy tricks Granger taught him (it was bizarre at first to all of a sudden be friends with Granger and Weasley, but it turned out to be quite fun to hang around with, even if they didn’t appreciate his Slytherin sense of humour), but so far he has only tested them on anger, especially when the rest of the ex-Gryffindors were particularly nasty towards him and Harry (apparently, the spirit of unity didn’t reach the whole house), so he didn’t know how well they would hold up against lust. He tried to push his worries out of his mind, but it was slowly starting to bother him more and more. He was almost ready to give up and broach the subject himself, when one night, during a particularly heated make out session, he felt his boyfriend’s hands tugging at his pants.

\- Wait, Harry, are you sure? – Draco was panicking a little bit.

\- Yes, I am. Trust me, this time I know what I’m in for and I’ll stop you if we move too fast.

\- Harry, we shouldn’t rush this.

\- I’m not. This time I want this for myself and myself only. Taking long showers just doesn’t do it for me anymore, you know? – Harry smiled suggestively.

\- If you’re sure than let’s do this. – Draco smiled back. – But ONLY if you’re completely sure. And we’re stopping if anything feels uncomfortable. You can’t force yourself to do anything for my sake, do you understand?

\- I do. I’ll stop you immediately if anything’s wrong. Now, close your eyes and relax.

It was nothing like their first time. It was slow and sensual and deliberate, not like before, where they both just wanted to fill their greed for each other. Draco felt like each stroke and each flick of Harry’s tongue on him was thought through, like it was designed ahead of time specifically for his pleasure. He never wanted it to end and his body seemed to agree with him – he felt his orgasm building slower than usual, almost as if his own body wanted to prolong the moment as much as possible, on its own accord, without any interference from his mind. He looked down. The sight was breathtaking, with Harry looking in his eyes directly, savouring him like nothing else in the world would ever matter, like it was precisely his sole purpose in life. Draco knew that if he kept looking at his boyfriend any longer, it would all be over. He closed his eyes and threw his head back. “God, baby, you’re so beautiful…” – it came out breathless and barely audible, but that was how he was feeling. It was all so surreal that he half-expected any words to burst the bubble they both seemed to be surrounded by. His mind went completely blank when Harry ran his tongue along his length. He didn’t even scream, it seemed like his orgasm happened in slow motion when he came in extensive bursts with just a long, shaky exhale.

“Oh, God…” – that was all he could manage. Harry seemed to understand, because he laid down beside Draco and smiled, drawing circles on his chest with the tips of his fingers. They stayed like this for a while, just looking at each other. There was no need for words, they understood each other completely, like their whole lives were just a build-up that always had to lead to this moment in time, so when Harry turned around, Draco knew what it meant, and somehow all the fear and hesitation was gone.

He turned to the side, pressed his chest to his boyfriend’s back and lightly ran his fingertips along Harry’s bottom. When he heard Harry breathe out, he brushed his lips on the Gryffindor’s ear and reached for his wand. He quickly muttered a lubrication spell and began circling his boyfriend’s entrance. “Tell me how you’re feeling…” he whispered, but Harry could only manage an encouraging moan. “Tell me” – it wasn’t an order anymore, he just needed to make sure Harry was okay with what they were doing. He felt the brunette’s hips push back against his hand and understood everything. There was no greed in him this time, he wasn’t doing this for himself, but to make Harry feel just as he felt minutes ago. They both went slowly, pressed together, Draco’s right arm wrapped around Harry’s chest, fingers entangled in Harry’s own hand, while his left delicately stretched his boyfriend out. There was no need to rush things this time, it felt so right doing this this way that Draco was happy to wait for each squeeze Harry gave his hand before adding another finger. The room was filled only with the sound of their breathing and Draco was listening intently for any hitch, any sign of distress from Harry, but they didn’t come. Instead, Harry turned his head, looking Draco in the eyes and whispered “I’m ready”. Draco leaned in to kiss him and removed his fingers. He flipped Harry on his back, and wrapped his legs around his own waist, not breaking the kiss. “Are you completely sure baby?” he asked, looking down on his boyfriend. Harry seemed certain, but he needed to be extra careful. “I am. I need you.”.

Draco whispered another lubrication spell and bowed down to kiss Harry again. This time it was more forceful, more lustful. When their tongues collided, Draco pushed forward, breaking the barrier. Harry threw his head back and groaned. Draco froze, looking at him worriedly. “So… Good…” Harry moaned, meeting Draco’s gaze. Slowly, hesitantly, Draco pushed on, burying himself deeper. Harry’s breathing was irregular and loud, to the point Draco could barely distinguish the words that came between them: “Fuck… Just… Like… That… Fuck… Yes… You’re a god…”. The sight of his boyfriend biting his lower lip and screwing his eyes shut was sending Draco’s head into a tailspin as he thrusted into Harry faster and faster. When tentative pushes and hesitant whimpers turned into slams and unapologetic moans, he knew he wouldn’t last. He braced himself on the wall behind the headboard of the bed, looking down on Harry – he saw the Gryffindor nearing his own finish and all he could manage while holding off his own release was to drawl “Come for me, baby” through clenched teeth. That was all both of them needed. Harry came in long, white arcs, all over them both – the sight sent Draco over the edge and he collapsed under the weight of his own orgasm mere seconds later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how's my attempt at writing safe and fully consensual sex? It's the first full scene of this particular kind I have ever written, so do let me know :) I might go back to the severly-more-rough practices at some point, but I'm thinking that's more of a sequel material after I wrap up this one (I kind of have a rough idea for a part 2, but nothing's set in stone yet, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated!)  
> ~  
> Oh, and also, I have no idea if using Diffindo on a human being really is that dangerous, but it seems like it might be, so it fit, so I decided to borrow this one from the HP universe rather than invent something of my own (I was briefly debating Sectumsempra, but that one was waaaaaaay too likely to just kill Draco in this scenario).


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Neither Harry nor Draco knew how it happened, but was already June and their last year at Hogwarts was nearing an end. They’ve been so wrapped up in their new relationship that they didn’t even notice how the months flew by and before they knew it, they were leaving the Great Hall after their last exam ever. It was still 2 weeks to actually leaving the castle for the last time, but they weren’t going to have classes anymore, just a couple of sessions of job counselling with the heads of houses while they were waiting for their test results.

With their education basically behind them, Draco turned his attention to the question of his future with Harry. He knew he couldn’t see them split again after they’ve left Hogwarts, but he was well aware that life outside the castle walls was going to be much different – somehow, while they were still in school, the word of and ex-Death Eater and The Boy Who Lived being an item didn’t get out, but Draco knew it was only a matter of time before it spread like wildfire as soon as they stepped foot off the grounds. And what was worse, his own parents didn’t know anything yet. Draco wasn’t particularly concerned with his father finding out – after all, he was in Azkaban for life, so how much could he possibly do about it? But his mother was exonerated and living in the Malfoy Manor, very much still a part of the wizarding community, albeit shunned to its outskirts. Draco knew he had to tell her before she would find out from some other source. One evening he sat down and wrote a lengthy letter detailing almost everything (he left out the part about their first night together and the subsequent fiasco with Theodore, she didn’t need to know about it, and him and Harry didn’t even consider this a part of their relationship history by now), asking Narcissa to try and understand that for the first time in his life he was truly happy and telling her that whatever her decision in the matter of supporting her son through this was going to be, he was set on keeping the relationship going. To his surprise, Narcissa wrote back almost immediately, her letter addressed to both Harry and Draco in fact, telling them how happy she was and inviting them to stay in the Manor as long as they wanted to while they figured out where they were going to go on.

It would be a perfect start to their adult life together, if not for what happened 3 days after they read the letter from Draco’s mother. They were sitting in the Great Hall at breakfast, enjoying their free time, when a large spotted owl landed in front of Draco. He took the envelope it was carrying and opened the letter. As soon as he recognized the handwriting, Draco cursed out loud. It was from his father. And judging by the length of the parchment, he wasn’t happy.

> _Dear Mr. Malfoy,_
> 
> _I’ve been informed by your mother of your recent endeavours in pursuing a relationship with one Harry James Potter. I regret to inform you, that, however much I wish to see your life turn out better than your mother’s and mine have, I cannot in good conscience support this surprising decision. You seem to have forgotten, perhaps blinded by whatever it is you seem to be telling yourself you’re feeling, who was the one to cause me to write this letter not from out family home, but from an institution that took everything away from me and shall, in all likelihood, remain my permanent residence until fate sees fit to free me from the constraints of Earthly living._
> 
> _I regrettably realize now that I have failed to imprint in you just how much of a value family loyalty holds, particularly in this dark and difficult time for the Malfoy house, and I must therefore inform you, that if you do not terminate this treacherous association, you will be permanently removed from any consideration as a member of the Malfoy family._
> 
> _As such, you will have no right to any of the considerable assets amassed during the centuries of this clan’s existence, nor to any connections and influences the Malfoy name hopefully still holds. Explicitly, you will be removed from my last will and testament as my sole heir and any capital previously set aside for your disposal will be moved towards other purposes._
> 
> _Hoping to still remain your father,_

> _L. M._

\- Well, that went south rather quickly… - Harry muttered, looking at the parchment.

\- He’s un-fucking-believable! – Draco burst. – Does he really think that I want to have any connection to him whatsoever? Is he really so deluded that he still thinks that being a Malfoy would get me ahead anywhere? – Their friends fell silent at the outburst, looking at the pair worriedly. – I don’t give a shit what he thinks of me, he’s been convicted to life, he can’t do anything to me! Can he even make any decisions about the money from inside Azkaban?

\- Well… - Hermione spoke hesitantly. – If he has enough privileges to still send letters, it’s really all he needs…

\- Brilliant! – Harry said dryly. – So now it’s me or having a roof over your head?

\- Not quite. – Hermione interrupted him. – Draco, I don’t know your parents’ marital arrangements, but in general, if there is no contract otherwise, there is no joint ownership of assets. You’ll need to talk to your mother about it, but there is still a chance at least some of the money can be yours one day. Of course, Lucius’ letter raises the question of the Manor…

\- Wait, can you explain this like a normal human being please? – Draco was irritated, but intrigued. – What’s “joined ownership of assets” and what about the house?

\- Honestly, it’s like you two never read anything besides school books… - Hermione sighed. – What I mean is, if your parents haven’t signed any agreement when they got married, whatever each of them had then, and acquired later, remains theirs and theirs only. For example, if your mother had some gold to her name the day of the wedding, that gold doesn’t belong to your father and he has no say over this. Then, if she, let’s say, inherited…

\- Oh, she might have inherited some of her father’s money! – Draco exclaimed. – She’s a Black, they were loaded and she had 2 sisters, so it might still add up to something!

\- Exactly. If there was no last will and no living wife, her father’s money would have been split 3 ways between his daughters, so a third of it would be your mother’s. And just as with the money she had before, your father has no right to any of it. But then, it’s a double-edge sword. – She saddened. – Because that same lack of agreement that lets your mother keep the money, means that the Manor is owned only by your father and he can do whatever he wants with it. Well, you could look into other laws, there might be something that prohibits evicting your own wife, but as for you, I think it’s a lost cause…

\- That doesn’t matter. – Harry said determinately. – I still have Grimmauld Place, so we’ll have a place to live. And even if there was some agreement that made the money joined, I have some of my own, we’ll manage.

\- It’s not us I’m worried about, Harry. It might come as a surprise, but I don’t really need that much. I didn’t like blowing money on stupid things like my father did. All of those extravagant things I had he gave me, I never wanted them. But I’m worried about my mother, if father gets wind of the fact she’s supporting us, he’ll cut her off. She has it rough enough as it is, if she has no house and no money, she won’t survive.

\- Well, if the house is your fathers and he really does throw her out, she can stay at Grimmauld Place with us. Or we can rent something small and let her keep that one. We’ll figure something out. – Harry smiled. – And besides, Hermione said there might be something that forbids this sort of thing.

\- You would do that? – Draco’s eyes filled with tears. – You would really let my mum live in your house?

\- Of course, Draco, don’t be stupid! We can’t have her living on the streets. Besides, you said yourself, she’s a Black. And Grimmauld Place was a Black family home, so it seems appropriate. As long as she teaches us how to feed ourselves and keep the house liveable, I’m completely fine with it. I’m not saying I want to turn her into our housekeeper, I mean we need someone to tech us how not to turn into complete slobs, because if we were to be left on our own, we would turn the house into a complete disaster zone and live off of takeout.

\- Takeout? – Draco looked confused.

\- Muggle thing. You order food from some place, like a bar or a restaurant, and get it delivered to your house.

\- Wow, that’s brilliant! So you never need to cook? – Draco looked excited.

\- Oh, look at you… - Ron laughed, clearly amused at Draco’s enthusiasm over Muggle food delivery. – A couple of months with Harry and you’re becoming a fan of Muggle lifestyle!

***

Draco decided to write to his mother again, asking her about her financial situation should his father really stop supporting both of them in the face of his relationship with Harry. He told Narcissa about the plan they’ve set in place in case she was to be evicted from the Manor and hoped she would agree to move in with the two of them if she needed to. It was 3 days before the end of the year when he got a response.

> _My dearest sons,_

> _I am touched by your concern for me – you’ve really shown me you both take this relationship seriously and I couldn’t be happier, regardless of Lucius’ stance on the matter. I want you to know I am absolutely appalled at his actions and I will express my disgust with his approach directly to him the next time I see him._
> 
> _However, you do not need to worry about me. I have consulted some friends and lawyers and I have been assured that my living situation is safe. Lucius cannot prohibit me from living in the Malfoy Manor and the money I do have to my own name, however insignificant compared to the Malfoy fortune, is more than enough for me to live comfortably on my own or even help the two of you should you need it._
> 
> _Nevertheless, I do believe both of you are in serious need of help when it comes to running your own household, especially if you’re even considering resorting to Muggle food delivery as a means to feed yourselves - not that it doesn’t sound convenient and enticing (Harry, dear, you will need to tell me more about the ways Muggles make their lives easier, I’m intrigued!), but that’s no way to live in the long run. As such, I demand firmly that the two of you come live with me in the Manor over the summer for a speedy course in cooking and general household chores._
> 
> _Looking forward to welcoming you,_
> 
> _Narcissa_

\- Well, that’s settled then. We’re spending the summer in the Manor, you’re teaching my mother about Muggles and she’s teaching you to cook. – Draco grinned.

\- Me? Why me? Who says I’ll be the one cooking? – Harry pretended to be offended.

\- Do you want ME to cook? I have never held a frying pan in my hand!

\- And I have only made eggs and hot dogs at the Dursley’s!

\- Which means you still have more experience cooking than I do.

\- Yeah, but you’re good with potions so that’s got to somehow translate into the kitchen!

\- Yeah, sure, if you want me to poison you, I can do that fourteen different ways.

\- You will do no such thing! But fine, I’ll do the cooking, if you do the cleaning!

\- Me? Cleaning? With my delicate hands? Do you want me to stop being so beautiful?

\- Oh God, you’re both insufferable! – Pansy groaned. – Not even a year together and you’re arguing like a married couple!

\- If someone told me I’ll be saying this even a year ago, I’d laugh… - Ron looked up from his porridge. – But I completely agree with Pansy on this one. You two are worse than my parents!

They all laughed, but Draco’s mind went elsewhere.

***

Three days later the whole school was on the grounds, walking towards the platform in Hogsmeade to board the Hogwarts Express back to London. Harry was walking hand in hand with Draco, surrounded by Ron, Hermione, Pansy, Theo and Blaise. They were all talking and laughing, but Harry noticed Draco seemed distracted. He thought it must be difficult for him to be done with school and going back to his family home with his father not there, so he decided not to ask what was wrong in front of their friends.

Then, at the very edge of the grounds, they all stopped and turned around to look at the castle for the last time. They were standing in complete silence, looking at their home of the last 8 years and the sea of students still pouring out of the entrance. Suddenly, Draco grabbed Harry’s hand and turned to him.

\- Harry, I love you. This last year was the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life and it’s because of you. I don’t know how I would manage without you. The only regret I have is that I didn’t admit how I felt about you sooner. But I hope we have the whole rest of our lives to make up for it. And I hope you want to spend that rest of our lives together as much as I do. – He dropped to one knee in front of Harry, still holding his hand. – Harry James Potter, love of my life, would you do me the honour of being with you forever? Will you marry me?

\- Yes... – That’s all Harry could manage through the tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are <3 The boys are getting married <3
> 
> I'm thinking of writing a oneshot set during their summer at Malfoy Manor - it would be way less dark than this one, kind of a general funny domestic fluff about how useless are both of them at household chores and how confused Malfoys are at things like cell phones and cabs :D Let me know it you'd be up for reading this one and what Muggle technology you think would be most confusing (in a funny way!) to wizards :D


End file.
